Hostess wants us to think Twinkies are healthy now

Jun 25, 2015 at 2:30 p.m. ET

Hostess, the company behind Twinkies, is trying to find a buyer, and its strategy is more than a little strange.

Hostess has been in trouble for a few years. It was bought while on the verge of bankruptcy a while back, but now the company that owns it is trying to sell Hostess for $2 billion.

But instead of focusing on all the fun things about Twinkies and their ilk, the company is going down an unlikely path and touting the comparative health benefits of the everlasting snack cakes. Because if you had to choose between a Clif Bar and a Twinkie to fuel your next workout, you'd totally choose the Twinkie, right?

hostess twinkies box

Image: Sharon/Flickr

According to New York Post, in its sales pitch, Hostess compares its snack cakes to energy bars. Apparently Twinkies are lower in fat than Kind Bars and Clif Bars. I'm sure this isn't because they're loaded with healthy fats from nuts and seeds while Twinkies are basically made of refined white flour and sugar — oh, wait. Per gram, Twinkies are lower in calories too, but no one seems to be pointing out that they have basically no nutritional value whatsoever, while granola bars are packing protein, vitamins and minerals that the human body actually needs.

But how great would it be to actually believe the company? With that in mind, there are definitely some other snacks I would love to trick myself into thinking are healthy.

Flamin' Hot Cheetos: These are basically garbage in a bag, but using Twinkie logic, they have less sugar per ounce than a banana. Flamin' Hot Cheetos smoothie, here I come.

Pizza: Um, cheese has protein and calcium in it, so roll up a slice, put it into a bottle, and you basically have a nutritional supplement.

Jalapeño poppers: Vegetable? Check! Protein and calcium-rich cheese? Check! Cover of Women's Fitness, here I come.

So thank you, Hostess, for teaching me to look on the bright side when it comes to my favorite junk foods. Twinkies — at least they aren't filled with arsenic, right?

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