I don’t know about you, but “gross” is not a word I want to hear when preparing a home-cooked meal. Call me crazy, but I’ll stick to traditional recipes like macaroni and cheese. Hold the semen, please.
But on the World Wide Web, anything can happen. And what I mean to say is, anyone can publish a cookbook and sell it on Amazon, no matter what the contents may be. Don’t get me wrong — there are literally thousands of delicious, high-quality cookbooks on the internet. There are also a few unconventional cookbooks that have slipped through the cracks.
The next time you are in the market for a cookbook, steer clear of these disgusting picks.
1. 25 Placenta Recipes
Easy and Delicious Recipes for Cooking with Placenta!
When my son was born, my midwife offered us the placenta with a gleeful smile on her face. My husband and I were quick to decline. Safe to say I’ll pass on this book too. (amazon.com, $3)
2. Cooking with Poo
3. Cooking with a Serial Killer — Recipes from Dorothea Puente
Convicted serial killer Dorothea Puente also happened to be an excellent cook, according to the tenants at her boarding house. In her book description, Puente insisted she was a benevolent mass murderer-chef, but methinks she doth protest too much. She said, “None of them were murdered. They died of natural causes… Why would I spend money fattening them up if I was going to kill them?” I feel better now. (amazon.com, $10)
4. Condom Meals I Want to Make For You
Please suppress your gag reflex as we talk about Japan’s “Condom Meals I Want to Make For You,” also translated as “Condom Rice I Want To Make.” I would title the book, “Condom Meat Stuffing, Condom Escargot and Other Condom Foods I Would Rather Die Than Eat,” but what do I know? (amazon.com,?250)
5. Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-based Recipes
I feel like such an idiot. I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time. I used my husband’s man juice to make two children when I really could have been collecting samples for my next dinner party. (amazon.com, $20)
6. The Astronaut’s Cookbook: Tales, Recipes, and More
What is more appetizing than freeze-dried food in space? The short answer is, everything. (amazon.com, $33)
7. The Eat-a-Bug Cookbook, Revised: 40 Ways to Cook Crickets, Grasshoppers, Ants, Water Bugs, Spiders, Centipedes, and Their Kin
We spend enough on yearly pest control in South Texas that learning how to cook and eat bugs is something I am going to forever file under “nope.” (amazon.com, $14)
8. The Original Road Kill Cookbook
According to one Amazon reviewer, this is the perfect cookbook for road kill affectionados and new drivers alike: “This would also be a great book for someone who has just started driving and, like my children, had deer accidents. It gives exact details how to hit them with your vehicle to save you the trouble of loading them.” (amazon.com, $8)
9. Mother’s Milk Cookbook
Image: I Love Lux
Good news: The Kickstarter project for “The Official Breast Milk Cookbook” was funded in September 2013. That means at least $7,800 worth of people thought cooking with breast milk was a great idea.
10. The Testicle Cookbook — Cooking with Balls
Image: Wine Juice
The name of this book alone will grab you by the cajones, but I don’t know if I’d be brave enough to crack the cover. Guess I’ll be missing out on some delicious white wine testicles, testicle pizza and testicle goulash. *shudder*