This funnel cake-bun bacon burger exists — and might kill you

This obscene burger is literally not for the faint of heart.

If you have a weak stomach, then you too had best stay away. In fact, if you’re used to eating any sort of normal diet — even one that includes the occasional pizza or nacho and beer night — you’d probably better steer clear of this caloric monstrosity coming out of Zombie Burger in Des Moines, Iowa.

It’s The Freakshow burger, created in honor of the finale of American Horror Story: Freak Show. And what a freak it is! Two barbecue-spiced funnel cakes act as the bun for a beef patty garnished with corn dog fried bacon (wut?), battered cheese curds, cheddar cheese and — wait for it — buttered popcorn-flavored nacho cheese sauce. Huh?

zombie freakshow burger

Image: Zombie Burger + Drink Lab

How is buttered popcorn-flavored nacho cheese sauce even a thing? Nacho cheese sauce already has such a pronounced flavor! And the burger is already so over the top, they could have just thrown a handful of actual movie theater popcorn on top, and no one would have been surprised.

And what is corn dog fried bacon? Is it just bacon with a cornbread batter? Or are there bits of hot dog in there too?

Battered cheese curds, though… Those, I can totally get behind. If anyone reading this is fearless enough to actually try this death sentence on a plate, please feel free to send some of the cheese curds my way.

If you do manage to finish the burger without passing into the great beyond, you’re in luck. You can celebrate with the Cracker Jack Shake — made with vanilla ice cream, Cracker Jack and caramel sauce and spiked with vanilla vodka. The inevitable onset of death never tasted so sweet.

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