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The 8-foot gummy python you really don’t want to eat, trust me

I don’t get outraged by many foods. As a food editor, I pride myself on being open minded and trying all kinds of different foods all the time.

I’ve had Brazilian ants before (they were mostly crunchy), and I even had an open mind about Pumpkin Spice Oreos (see what I thought, very honestly). But when it comes to an 8-foot, 27-pound python gummy candy, I just can’t deal.

It’s not even the fact that this thing is majorly creepy — and yes, it is quite creepy — but I’m even wondering why (and how) we would ever need such a thing. I love eating gummy bears and occasionally indulge in some of those sour gummy worms, but a python? How does that even work?

Created by St. Louis-based company Vat19, a site dedicated to selling “curiously awesome” products, the Party Python tips the scale at 27 pounds, is nearly 8 feet long and, worst of all, packs over 36,000 calories.

gummy python

Sure, it’s got intricate creepy eyes and extensive coloring, but I fail to see how this scaled snake candy is anything more than just a ridiculous gimmick to supposedly wow party guests that, let’s face it, is really only going to shock and annoy everyone.

Personally, I’m still trying to figure out how I could possibly bite into this thing. In the meantime, let’s just agree that it’s a weird, gross, way-too-many-calories waste of perfectly good gummy candy material. I’ll stick to the good old-fashioned variety instead, thank you very much.

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