We’ve adored Abigail Breslin since she started hoarding half-empty glasses of water in 2002’s Signs.
But when we sat down with the now 18-year-old actress to chat about her new movie, we had no idea how much wonderful weirdness was in store for us — and how much more fangirldom that would make us feel for the quirky star.
On her new movie (and totally freaking people out)
Breslin, whose obscenely funny turn in Little Miss Sunshine made her one of the most in-demand young actresses in Hollywood, first impressed us with some behind-the-scenes insight from her latest project, Maggie.
GIF via GIFsoup
In the film, Breslin plays the title character — a beautiful young woman who becomes infected by a deadly zombie virus plaguing the world. Touchingly, her father (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) refuses to leave her side… even as she turns into a cannibalistic zombie.
Heavy stuff, no? The real fun, it would seem, happened when the cameras weren’t rolling.
“I kinda filmed it around Halloween time, and I would just wear my zombie makeup out to dinner,” Breslin said, “and it was really fun ’cause I just got to, like, freak people out with it.”
She’s not joking. Breslin admitted to having used her zombie-fication to toy with unsuspecting patrons at upscale eateries.
“I would wear a dress and have zombie veins all over my legs, and I would be standing at the sink at this really nice restaurant washing my hands. And this woman walked in, and she’s like, ‘Um, you have something on your leg,’ and I was like, ‘No, no… sorry. I’m really veiny.’ What can I say? It’s really fun.”
But becoming a faux zombie and scaring the ever-loving hell out of people isn’t just for Breslin — she encourages us to indulge our inner prankster as well. It’s not hard to nail, she assured, saying, “Basically, if you just bring some dark eye shadow, put it right under your eye, you’ll look like a zombie.”
GIF via GIFsoup
The terrifying part of playing a zombie for Breslin, it turns out, is the fact that she apparently plays one a little too well.
“For me, the scariest thing was that they would do stage one zombie makeup, and they would just be like, ‘We’re just not going to put makeup on you at all!’ And I’m like, ‘Thank you. So, basically what you are saying is that I look like a zombie when I wake up in the morning naturally, and you don’t even need to add makeup to enhance the zombie-ism.’ Like, I’m already there. I’m there already,” she said. “These aren’t really zombie tips, just zombie tidbits.”
Clearly, Breslin enjoys the macabre — but she doesn’t consider herself creepy. Er, sort of.
On how not to be a total dating creeper
When asked about dating advice, the star launched into the kind of adorable, barely coherent, stream of consciousness response we imagine is a daily occurrence.
“Dating advice would be never stalk a guy’s profile or any of his exes’ profiles, ’cause it just gives you so much anxiety, and then you’re like, ‘Has he liked any of her pictures?’ and ‘Does she look good in those pictures?’ and ‘Did he comment on them?’ and ‘Did she write on his wall for his birthday?’ And there were two x’s at the end, which obviously means that they were madly in love and she is way cooler than me, and I’m never going to compete, and that’s just a really vicious cycle, and then before you know it you’re lurking her cousin’s best friend’s husband’s daughter’s, like, dog.
“And you’re like, ‘Why am I here? How did this happen? How did it get here when he has never mentioned her name before, and it’s just speculation, and they weren’t even dating… they were just friends on Facebook,” she said. “So exhausting.”
Hypothetically, of course.
“I’ve never done that,” she replied sardonically, “but I was just saying if I was to give dating advice, that would probably be one of them. Not that I know, but I have heard things from people that they could do all that stuff, and that’s not OK — that’s creepy, which I don’t do because I’m not creepy at all.”
On pacifying her angsty teen heart with social media
But speaking of social stalking, Breslin does have a pretty prolific presence online. “My favorite social media platform would probably be Twitter, just because it’s easy and quick,” she said, “but I also love Tumblr, because it speaks to my 18-year-old angst heart.”
And, well, she tends to wear her virtual heart on her sleeve.
“I Tumblr — I don’t know what the proper grammar is for that. I tumble usually blogs about feelings and boys, and I re-blog a lot of Christmas countdowns and kittens, ’cause I’m lame,” she admitted.
It’s exactly that kind of whirling dervish of girlish things that Breslin spans on her social media feeds. From cryptic-slash-poetic musings on music:
THE NEW @taylorswift13 ALBUM MAY BE MADE COMPLETELY OUT OF ANGEL WINGS IM SO OBSESSED
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) October 27, 2014
To statuses about her proclivity for old ladylike activities:
watching barefoot contessa in bed with tea because thats where I'm at mentally today.
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) October 23, 2014
To offbeat insight on love and relationships:
If he dont tell u u sleep like a cute kitten, he ain't the one
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) October 22, 2014
To hilariously embarrassing admissions:
Ive worn the same outfit for 3 days but ive seen different people every day so its totally ok right???
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) September 17, 2014
To charming (and totally relatable) self-deprecation:
Everyone has that one super pretty friend that you love but hate being around cuz they make you look like a mole rat.
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) October 9, 2014
To surprisingly introspective and spot-on life advice:
sometimes you just have to remember the people that love you and forget the people that don't and be done with it.
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) September 30, 2014
And, naturally, her utter fascination with sloths:
A sloth would never make you sad
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) October 19, 2014
Which, as luck would have it, Breslin isn’t afraid to gush about her love for sloths in person, either.
On her girl(-ish?) crushes
“My love for sloths is not really something that can be defined, and it cannot be really discussed in a proper way because there’s no limit to the love for sloths I have inside me,” she said. “It’s, like, I will see a sloth in a picture, and it’s just an overwhelming sense of joy and happiness.”
She even confesses to dreaming about the day she will meet the sloth of her dreams. “They love hibiscus flowers — it’s like chocolate to them. So I think if I met a sloth, I would just bring them one and be like, ‘Here you go. I am not worthy of your eye contact.’ But I would just like to be a sloth in another life maybe. I dunno… maybe I was. You don’t know,” she said.
Sloths aren’t the only paramours taking up residence in her heart these days, though. Breslin’s other infatuation is, well, not a sloth at all.
“My girl crush would be Iggy Azalea. I just love her so much. I one time tweeted, ‘Can somebody please Photoshop a picture of me and Iggy Azalea together?’ And then I just posted it on Facebook just to see if people would think that it was real, and it was a selfie,” she said.
“I was like, ‘Iggy always photo bombing me, love her!’ And everybody was like, ‘Your hair has angles in this — this is so Photoshopped.’ And I was just like, ‘Yeah, that’s what I meant to do. It was supposed to be ironic, duh.’ But I love Iggy Azalea.”
Well, Breslin, ask, and you shall receive. We
created uncovered a few stellar photos of you and your inevitable next BFF, Iggy Azalea, hanging out and took the liberty of creating a little collage.
To be honest, we totally understand wanting to superimpose ourselves into someone else’s life. We were girl-crushin’ on Breslin before this interview, and now we’re even more infatuated with her quirky spirit. We can’t think of anything cuter than her.
Except maybe sloths… sloths are pretty damn cute.
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