As if not going to Coachella wasn’t bad enough, these celebrities are really just throwing their awesome lives in our faces.
Before we get started on all the extra – at least Lady Gaga is going super norm core for her Coachella anticipation photo. Which is fitting with her new Joanne persona. And also kind of giving me life, because if anyone can just lay on a couch and be like "Coachella…yay," instead of the posing with planes, and shiny luggage, and faux-vintage bohemian crop tops, it's Mother Monster. Stay true, Gaga, stay true.
Oh, Shay Mittchell. This is probably the most Coachella thing to ever Coachella. Which is great because I'm pretty sure Shay Mitchell gave birth to Coachella when she got bored during a Pretty Little Liars hiatus.
What in the good fuck is Ryan Phillippe doing??? This is just so…sad. Like he doesn't really act anymore. Reese is living her best life — and I'll fight with anyone who wants to argue with me on that. And he's surrounded by only good looking women on a tiny charter plane dressed like a Pitbull music video extra. Someone call his publicist and tell her I said, "you're fired," plz.
Aaron Paul is Coachella if Coachella was a person. As evidenced by the fact that he took a god damn Lyft to the desert. That's literally the funniest thing I've ever heard. Aaron Paul. In a Lyft. To the desert. It's so on brand his brand energy might short circuit the (insert whatever brand is taking its turn this year to throw around some millennial-centric marketing to exploit the capitalist mirage of freedom and art that is Coachella for their own gain)-sponsored charging stations.
Katy Perry wins the Coachella celeb Instagram contest though, because not only is she not on her way, posting noxious basicness to the interwebs, she's doing this instead. And seeing as Katy has been a total Chella-head before, it's almost performance art for her not to go, and instead be a cryptic, high fashion zombie bride in Vogue. Nothing says, "fuck you and your Coachella selfie," like being in Vogue.
Of course there are models going. It's basically there version of the pilgrimage to Mecca. Whatever. Enough said.
Lorde also went the lo-fi route, but in a little more of an ambiguous way? Like is she going? Does she just really ready to get out of the studio, and is asking Taylor Swift to come get her in some elaborate helicopter rescue (you know she would) through social media or something? Does she not have a car? Does she not have a plan? Someone go save Lorde, and get her to Coachella already.
Is Xtina going to Coachella? The high contour makeup, high pony, hoops and stud details say yes. She's clearly on her way…somewhere. Outside of the window in this — fancy bus? Small plane? — looks deserty AF. But what about the caption? It's so minimal. It's so cryptic. Honestly though, the unicorn emoji should probably be the Coachella logo, so I'm going to go with that yes, Ms. Dirty herself is headed to Coachella, and decided to make her announcement a puzzle, because Christina Aguilera is nothing if she is not mysterious. (Or as my friend once said, "Bitchsterious," because that's my new favorite word. Feel free to make it a thing.)
Another mysterious post, and this one I'm really here for. In the background is the famed Salvation Mountain, which is outside of LA towards the direction of Coachella. So she could be on her way? And if she is, posting this instead with the artsy caption is such a gorgeous middle finger to the Coachella mentality. Selena is on the level.
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