Behold, the 27 Cheesiest, Most Ridiculous Romance Novel Covers

Something tells me that uniform isn’t military issue, but she doesn’t seem to mind. 

If his massive sword doesn’t ward off evil spirits, surely his rippling abs will. 

“Look, over there in the distance? Do you see it? I believe it’s subtlety. We sailed right by it!” 

Only one woman is worthy of his secret, which could be that he’s an invertabrate. Seriously, check the legs.

My best guess is that the wedding had to wait due to floral interference. 

She is being held captive by his gaze. He is being held captive by his own shirt.

Wait, is he the secretary? What do his pecs have to do with this? So. Many. Questions.

Sting lyrics and a Mountie uniform? Hot doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

Homeboy’s beige pants look like no pants. Then again, that might be the look he was going for.

Methinketh someone was listening to “Lady in Red” on repeat when this cover was designed.

This guy could give Fabio a run for his money. I mean… that hair, though. 

You know and I know what “sword” is a euphemism for in this scenario. 

If your love makes the forest glow, it must be true… or, you know, an alien invasion.

What are they even sitting on? Clouds? Feathers? Baby flamingos? 

Highlander is either being coy, feeling great shame or doing the ol’ pit-sniff B.O. check.

How chivalrous of him to protect her torso from those dangerously close tiki torches. 

Designer A: “This couple doesn’t seem believable enough.” Designer B: “Add more flowers.”

The look on the horse’s face pretty much says it all, y’all. 

Her passion apparently burns with the moon’s cold flame, which sounds, well, painful. 

Lady Beresford is clearly enraptured. That, or her corset is too tight and she can’t actually breathe.

Perhaps the heart is silent because it has no idea how to respond to that hair. 

To be clear, this is nothing like the Matt Damon movie Good Will Hunting.

“Gosh damn it, Brian… get your head together. I can’t find any pants!” 

For a bed that is trying to keep a secret, that comforter sure is loud. 

Ah, yes, the foot pop… an unequivocal sign some serious neckin’ is about to go down. 

Who needs a long-haired Lothario when you’ve got a pantsuit like this? Not Valerie. 

Why stop at hot air balloons when you can do a castle and mountains, too? This cover went for broke.