Warning: Do not read this unless you’ve watched Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 7, titled, “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.” Or unless you really enjoy spoilers… in which case you may proceed.
I’ve figured it out! I’ve figured out the key to surviving in Game of Thrones! Are you ready? It’s really quite simple. You must either be a beast… or a best friend.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
Khaleesi is a beast
That B gets what she wants and nothing will stand in her way. While her action of freeing slaves always seems good at first glance, think about the way she acquired the Unsullied to begin with. Sure, their master was an evil man, but she defeated him with her own brand of evil. Just as she did this week, after acquiring her ships and inviting another nation’s ruler into her tent with the promise of safety. She quickly ended up threatening him to release his community of captured citizens or face her dragon’s fire. Sure, she is freeing more innocents, but only so she can coerce them into joining her army.
Khaleesi, like most wild beasts, is loyal only to herself.
Jaime and Brienne are clearly BFFs
Non-readers would have never seen this coming. Brienne began traveling with Jaime only with the plans of treating him a step or two above a prisoner as they made their way to King’s Landing.
The two formed a relationship based on their constantly picking and teasing of each another. Brienne slowly but surely gained Jaime’s respect each time she won another sword fight along the way, and even when she proved to be a decent match for the Kingslayer. He developed a friendly admiration for her and saved her from an awful rape by their eventual captors.
This week, when those captors refused to release Brienne, despite the fact that they were sending Jaime back to his father, Jaime returned for her. Moreover, he not only returned, but he jumped into a pit with a bear. It seems their captors thought it quite amusing to pair the skilled warrior Brienne of Tarth with a bear… her only defense a wooden sword. She went up against the bear fearlessly, despite her impending doom. Luckily, she had a Lannister jump in to rescue her.
Joffrey: The beastly boy-king and his grandfather
Admittedly, Joffrey is proving to be quite useless. That said: He’s so unbearable that rather than deal with him, Tywin handles things on his own… though always ensuring both he and Joffrey get what they want. You’d almost call them BFFs, if you couldn’t blatantly see the hatred in Tywin’s eyes. Because both Tywin and Joffrey’s ambitions can’t be tamed, people’s lives are being ruined all over King’s Landing. Cersei is still set to marry Ser Loras Tyrell and Sansa is betrothed to The Imp. No matter how kind Tyrion has been to her, she’s not looking forward to it. So far, it seems like only Joffrey and Tywin are actually getting what they want. Just like Khaleesi, it’s because they’ll stop at nothing to secure it.
Ygritte and Jon Snow: Best friends forever-ever
OK, so they’re a little more than best friends. They like-like each other. Swoon. It’s that best friend/lover bond that keeps them both alive. They look out for each another. This episode, we watch another wildling ridicule Jon and then hit on Y, but she stays true to her man. She’s a little rough around the edges and certainly gives him plenty of grief. At the end of the day, though, they’ve got each other and that’s important.
Arya: Beastly, but best friend material
During her travels, Arya continues to find herself becoming a more skilled fighter. First, she worked on mastering Needle and now she’s taken to archery. She’s got a long way to go before she’s a pro, but her dogged determination will no doubt lead her there eventually. Still, if you don’t cross her, Arya is a loyal friend.
She looked out for Hot Pie and Gendry until they both left her behind for bigger and better things (like being a baker or realizing he’s meant to be a king). Her big eyes aren’t just trusting, they seem trustworthy. This continues to not only land her in trouble, but also help her wriggle out of it.
Theon’s not a beast & hasn’t a friend in the world
There’s no way Theon makes it through this season, right? He’s the exact opposite of Arya. He had an entire adoptive family of best buddies (kind of), but he turned against them. Now, in the basement of god only knows where, he’s being tortured for his treachery. He’s too weak to fend for himself and no one cares enough for him to help him out. There’s not even a beast between his legs anymore.
When two women show up and start to have their ways with Theon, he’s just idiotic enough to fall for it. Sure, you’ve been tortured for weeks, but it’s completely likely your captor and torturer still wants to make sure you can get your rocks off, Theon! Except, no he doesn’t, you fool! Once the girls get Theon good and ready, his nameless keeper storms in and castrates the once future king.
So, as we can see: If you want to survive the game of thrones, you only have two options: Become a beast or find a best friend. Sounds a lot like life, right?