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New Girl recap: This is why we can’t have nice things!

Play on, playa!

New Girl's new girl

For New Girl fans, the Nick and Jess chemistry and awkward relationship will never get old. In the most recent episode, writers cranked up the tension to 11 and let Nick (Jake Johnson) and Jess (thrift-shoppin’ Zooey Deschanel) loose. Did it work? Of course it worked, but only because it’s Nick and Jess.

The episode started off with an unbelievably accurate portrayal of how even grown-up girls have a tendency to treat the guys they want. What? Nick’s saying something? But, he’s also flexing his arms and doing that cute thing with his face. The only possible way for Jess to deal with it is to go into confession mode in the bathroom with her BFF. When Nick walks in? Freak out!

The two soon find themselves in a hardware store where a distracted Jess ends up taking a 2×4 to the jaw. Here’s the thing: Yes, it’s exaggerated. The likelihood of the timing being that right could only happen in a six-take America’s Funniest video. But it’s TV. It’s the amped-up version of that time you were staring into your crush’s eyes and ended up tripping over a curb and dumping your iced chai all over yourself. It’s the equivalent of the time I walked straight into my best friend’s back because I was too busy staring down at my feet and thinking about what kind of flowers we’d have at our wedding.

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Slightly more unrealistic was the fact that Nick stuck around to take care of Jess after her hardware store fiasco. Sure, he felt slightly responsible. Yes, he was going through a phase where he was trying to be more responsible. Certainly, Nick is a real gent who has feelings for his roommate. But, he’s also a dude. Can he even run the can opener to get that soup out of the can and into a bowl?

A real life guy would take you through the drive-through pharmacy for your meds and, if you looked at him with just enough pain in your eyes and didn’t complain too much about his crappy choice of music, he might hit up Mickey D’s for a Dr. Pepper to help you wash down the painkillers.

I don’t, however, question the validity of Jess’s confession of liking Nick while she was high on painkillers. After three shots, I once told a guy that if he was too tired to walk across the parking lot to his apartment, he could sleep in my bed. I didn’t even like him (much). A girl with hard-core feelings like Jess has for a guy with eyes like Nick’s is bound to say far more embarrassing things.

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Part of the reason Nick was so smokin’ was due to his new bout of ambition. One problem: That ambition was caused by the super hot new owner at his bar whom Nick has been hooking up with from time to time. When Jess shows up to support Nick’s “Guys’ Night” event, she witnesses the boss girl behind the counter getting handsy with Nick and you can almost see the heartbreak in her eyes. It only gets worse when Nick describes her as his “roomfriend.” Ouch.

Back at home, Nick explains he didn’t think their kiss in the hallway, the night after they played True American, meant anything to Jess. He tells her, in essence, that he was just trying to move on. The next thing you know, Nick and Jess are locked into a seriously irritated make-out session (like a hatef***, only milder). In their passion, they crash into Schmidt’s fish tank.

New Girl's Schmidt

“Fish tank?!” you say.

Oh, yeah. While Nick and Jess were experiencing the awkwardness that comes with being “roomfriends,” Schmidty dealt with his own issues. The man is still crushed about Cece’s (Hannah Simone, our March girl crush) engagement.

Winston takes him to the aquarium to help him take his mind off losing his soul mate. Instead, Schmidt becomes obsessed with owning a rare, tropical breed of fish that he, at one point, describes as having “fish breasts.”

It takes him all episode and a jelly fish sting on the face to realize it, but that fish represented his desire to have Cece… something everyone else knew from the beginning.

We leave the roommates in only slightly better places than we found them. In an effort to help his friend, Winston tells Cece she should keep her distance for a while. Schmidt throws back the exotic fish he thinks he caught (Cece showed up at the hospital to bring it to him). And Nick and Jess are making out in the hallway. I approve.

Images courtesy of Fox

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