Justin Bieber, if I was your mother...
While Justin’s real mother, Patti, jokes about being the next Bachelorette, her son’s behavior is no laughing matter. What's happened to our golden boy? He’s gone from being everyone’s darling to acting bratty. Here’s a rundown of Justin’s most recent blunders and what we’d tell him if we were his mom.
Over the moon for JB
If you are head over heels for the Biebs, then your dream came true when he kicked off his odd behavior by mooning the camera and tweeting it for the world to see. Since Justin wears his pants somewhere around his knees, it really wasn’t anything we haven’t already seen. But as his mother, we would tell him to not expose his areas covered by a swimsuit to the public. Even if you are Justin Bieber, running around with your bare bum exposed is only acceptable until about the age of 3. We would advise him to buy pants that fit, a belt and a clue.
Image courtesy WENN.com
Breaking up is hard to do
Love is a fickle lady – one day she’s there, the next she’s not. It’s hard for any mother to watch her children go through heartbreak. When our kids are little, we can give them a Band-Aid and a handful of M&Ms to make them feel better, but when their heart breaks, there's nothing we can do about it. We suffer right alongside them. If we were Justin’s mother, we’d recommend that he break up as graciously as possible. Otherwise, your famous ex-girlfriend might embarrass you by releasing a dance video to the song, “Everybody Knows (your boyfriend is a douchebag).” Zing.
The importance of being punctual and present
The Biebs — who thus far has been known for his work ethic — surprised fans by showing up to a London concert two hours late to thousands of grumpy fans, and then canceled his second show in Portugal altogether. Uh-oh. Any mom would recognize this as a child who thinks he’s too big for his slouching britches. If we were Justin’s mother, we’d remind him that he gets to be Justin Bieber today, but unless he treads very lightly, he may not get to be Justin Bieber tomorrow. Just like love, fans are fickle. Justin Bieber’s fan base doesn’t have the maturity or patience to let him off the hook when they'd marked a JB concert on the calendar months ago. Seems someone might need someone else to keep them humble and grounded, and no one can do that like a mom.
Time for a time-out
While in London, Justin passed out after finishing a concert, after complaining of shortness of breath. Any mother would be beside herself with panic and worry if this happened to her son. If the Biebs was our babe, we’d tell him that if he’s smoking weed and partying too much, it’s time to take a break. And if abusing his young body isn’t to blame for his brief hospital stay, we’d still tell him it’s time for a time-out. We’d suggest he take a vacation or come home for a week or so. Since he’s 19, Justin will probably do what most 19-year-olds do, which is whatever he wants to. Still, Mom knows best.
Keep your cool
It is game on between Justin and the paparazzi. They seem to have made Justin’s life a living hell, chasing him in his car (a photog was killed trying to snap a picture of Bieber at a traffic light) and swarming his every move. Recently, Justin had enough and lunged at a photographer, threatening to “beat the f***” out of him." (Insert raucous giggles at the thought of itty-bitty-Biebs beating the f*** out of anything.) Absurdity aside, if we were his mother, we’d tell the Biebs to cool it. Crowd control is what JB’s beefy bodyguards are for. As his mother, we’d be concerned for his physical welfare, but more than that, we’d be concerned that all these outbursts, poor behavior and tantrums make him look like a spoiled brat. We’d remind him that Momma didn’t raise no spoiled brat.
Warning: The following video contains adult language (NSFW)
Choose your friends wisely... and give me your keys
Biebs devotees know that Justin’s “friend” Lil Twist has been taking the joy out of joy rides with Justin’s ultra-expensive Fisker Karma. Lil Twist seems hell-bent on smashing up Justin’s luxury auto, valued at over $100,000. Twist twisted the Fisker around a pole at a liquor store in the San Fernando Valley and then got ticketed for an “unsafe lane change.” If we were Justin’s mom, we’d underscore the importance of choosing your friends wisely, and if they betray your trust then it’s time to pull in the reins. Then we’d probably ask Justin why Lil Twist doesn’t have his own damn car.
Image courtesy Michael Wright/WENN
Finally, we’d tell our beloved son, “If you don’t want people to think you’re an out-of-control brat, then don’t act like an out-of-control brat.” Justin had a baby fit when things didn’t go just right for his 19th birthday bash at club Cirque du Soir in London. The club alleged that Justin had underage friends in his group, specifically Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s daughter, Jaden Smith. JB deflected the “weak a**” club’s allegations saying he chose to leave, and the club was trying to protect its weak a** image. Hmmm. We’re guessing any venue that got to host JB’s birthday bash would look the other way on just about anything, so there may be some truth to the Biebs' allegation in this case. Still, calling it his worst birthday ever is what set people off. We’ve all had pretty crappy birthdays, and having a jillion dollars in the bank and driving cars that cost more than most of us make in the year doesn’t solicit a lot of pity from the masses when your birthday wishes don’t come true.