The Bachelor: Why we’re in mourning

Sniff. This is a tough day for The Bachelor fans, for several reasons. Monday night’s three-hour finale marked the end of a Bachelor era, with many shocking twists and turns. OK — one shocking twist and turn. Here is why our hearts are breaking this morning…

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Catherine? Really?

What just happened? Damn those Bachelor editors! All season they had us believing Lindsay was the girl who would put her wedding dress back on and walk down the aisle with Sean Lowe. ABC even released a pre-season promo saying one bachelorette would “go all the way” as Lindsay stepped out of the limo! (Technically, that is right. Lindsay did make it to the final night.)

The audience was set up! Lindsay seemed to click with Sean’s parents a bit better. The editors made sure we saw Catherine’s breakdown after her last date with Sean because we believed that she was realizing what we already knew — that Sean would pick Lindsay. Even The Bachelor rejects in the live audience were leaning toward Lindsay. Then bam! Sean sends Lindsay packing, and gets down on one knee for Catherine! Thanks a lot Bachelor producers, thanks a lot. Now we have to wrap our heads around Catherine, whom Sean seems to adore, but whom we are only lukewarm about.

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Where did I leave my shirt?

Now that Sean has picked the love of his life (blah, blah, blah), the rest of us who have been slobbering all over Sean are left with a tremendous void. There went our Monday nights. No more Sean telling us that he could see several women as his wife. No more Sean telling each of the girls that he is “crazy” about them. No more Sean playing tongue-hockey with his gal pals. Worst of all, no more shirtless Sean. We pause here for a moment of silence. Praise the TV gods for DVR. At least we can wean ourselves slowly from the Monday night hunk-fest with the slo-mo button on the DVR.

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What we won’t miss

Admit it. There were parts of The Bachelor last night that you fast forwarded through because you just couldn’t take the sappiness anymore. There was so much puppy love, making out and Lindsay, Catherine and Sean saying the same things over and over again that it kind of made us want to vom. If Lindsay told us how “AH-mazing” things were again or if Sean said that this was the most difficult decision of his life and that he could see marrying both women again, we were going to lose it. Where were the editors then? They have no problem manipulating content to make us believe in a certain outcome, but they don’t seem to notice filler when they see it! Probably the thing we will miss the least is watching other women make out with our boyfriend, am I right ladies?

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Sigh. The hunkiest bachelor in the history of The Bachelor is no more. The producers of The Bachelor are going to have to look far and wide to find a replacement for our golden boy. (We’re available for the auditioning process, if that helps.)

For now, it would seem we get to see Sean on Dancing with the Stars! All is not lost…

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