Who is a worse friend: Hannah or Marnie? How about: Who cares?!
Almost everything about Girls’ latest episode — “Bad Friend” is an unmitigated disaster that can be summed up in four letters: YOLO!!
Sunday night’s episode focuses on the existential question of who’s a worse friend — Hannah or Marnie? And by the end of show that answer isn’t clear; nor is it an intriguing enough story line to keep regurgitating every couple of episodes.
Hannah (Lena Dunham) lands a new job as a freelance writer making $200 an article. Her new boss possesses a wannabe avant-garde outlook that inspires Hannah to write an article about trying coke for the first time.
Hannah doesn’t know any coke dealers though. She turns to Jessa, who is busy selling clothes with Shoshanna on their apartment stoop. Marnie (Allison Williams) suggests Hannah tries the junkie living on the basement floor of her building.
This sets the stage for our introduction to Laird, who’s actually a recovering drug addict and loves pomegranate juice. We also learn that when he’s not fighting the urge to do drugs, he likes to pontificate witty Wi-Fi nicknames.
Thank goodness for Laird. He needs to stick around because his performance is the lone bright spot of the episode. He’s surprisingly quick-witted for a former druggie, certifiably creepy, and inexplicably crushing on Hannah and her Madame Ovaries.
Laird hooks Hannah up with drugs, which leads to her most burning question of the night: When is it an appropriate time to snort coke?
Hannah and Elijah decide on 4 p.m. Why? Because YOLO!! of course. And soon the former college couple is higher than Kirstie Alley in the 80s. Hannah is technically on the clock, so she whips out a magic marker and scribbles her drug-induced thoughts on the wall. Elijah suggests they go to a rave hosted by Andrew Andrew, two gay iPad DJs.
Meanwhile, Marnie is hard at work in her new role as a server at some kind of club for rich, old men. Expect on this night, Booth Jonathan (Jorma Taccone) just so happens to be hanging with the gray hairs.
Now who can forget the infamous hand Booth lent the show — err, Marnie — in Season 1? Booth Jonathan’s the not-so-hot-in-real-life art dealer dude who Girls goes out of its way to depict as the oh-my-god-this-art-dealer-dude-is-so-hot-I-want-to-go-in-the-bathroom-and-finger-myself guy.
Yes, Booth in his emerald green sport coat and wispy beard is so alluring that Marnie once pleasured herself in a bathroom at the mere thought of kissing him. Now she gets her chance after he steals her away from work so they can go have sex. YOLO!!
Booth takes Marnie to his apartment, which moonlights as a former post office building turned torture chamber. Marnie doesn’t mind. The gruesome dollhouses and his psychedelic mind control box machine impress her like she’s auditioning to be the next Mya in Zero Dark Thirty.
Marnie and Booth end up banging it out, right in front of a cousin of Raggedy Ann. Booth makes Marnie ask the doll questions while he belts out a serious of awkward groans and finishes the job.
She laughs hysterically. Because after all, having sex with the oh-my-god-this-art-dealer-dude-is-so-hot-I-want-to-go-in-the-bathroom-and-finger-myself guy is what YOLO!! is all about.
Back at the Andrew Andrew show, Hannah and Elijah produce enough sweat to put out a fire. Hannah swaps shirts with a Eurotrash boy and ends up sporting a see-through neon fishnet tank top the rest of the show. Hannah and Elijah snort copious lines of coke off a bathroom seat with toilet paper sticking out the lid. YOLO!!
Unfortunately, Hannah’s euphoric night comes to a screeching halt when Elijah reveals his three-pump moment with Marnie. This sends Hannah into a fit of cocaine-induced rage, and she sets out to confront Marnie at Booth’s house. Elijah tags along, and so, too, does… Laird! who’s been following Hannah the entire night!
And who says chivalry’s dead?
The showdown between Hannah and Marnie plays out as expected. Hannah tells Marnie she’s a terrible friend. Marnie tells Hannah she’s a terrible friend.
This is where Girls keeps getting it wrong. Seeing Hannah and Marnie fight, again, is almost as tormenting as watching re-runs of Booth’s homemade Duncan Sheik music video.
Hannah then storms out of Booth’s apartment with Laird. We last see them swapping spit in the basement hallway. Laird steals the show when asking Hannah if he can kiss back. She tells him yes, but only for tonight, and for work.
What Hannah really should have said is, “Yes, Laird. Because you know, YOLO!!”