Drunk Prince Harry kills innocents, claims Afghan warlord
Prince Harry is an evil monster who sheds the blood of innocents while drunk as a skunk — at least, that's what a noted terrorist and one of the world's most wanted men would have us believe.
An exaggerated version of Prince Harry's wild reputation has taken hold among the Mujahideen. Global terrorist and Afghan warlord Gulbuddin Hekmatyar claims that our favorite ginger is getting hammered and killing innocent people while on patrol with the British Army in Afghanistan.
In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Hekmatyar blasted Prince Harry while pledging to carry out more attacks.
"I do not understand how the British public accept their children being sent to certain death in order to please American generals," he told the paper in a video interview from a top secret location believed to be near the Afghan/Pakistan border.
"The British Prince comes to Afghanistan to kill innocent Afghans while he is drunk. He wants to hunt down Mujahideen with his helicopter rockets without any shame. But he does not understand this simple fact that the hunting of Afghan lions and eagles is not that easy! Jackals cannot hunt lions."
"During the Mujahideen attack on the American base the Prince saw that he was the one about to be hunted and was searching for a hole in which to hide himself," Hekmatyar said. The September attack by the Taliban left two U.S. marines dead. Harry was reportedly a mile and a half away at the time.
"It seems that some British authorities still dream about the times of the eighteenth and nineteenth century and they want their ambassador to be treated like a viceroy and their prince to go out in uniform to hunt for human beings and play the satanic role that they used to play in the past."
Or maybe, just maybe, the warlord might be a bit biased and Prince Harry is working hard to keep the free world safe from terrorists — while completely sober. It isn't Vegas, after all.