Halle Berry: Does being crazy pretty equal a sucky love life?

Halle Berry is envied by women and desired by men, but her love life reads like a Shakespearean tragedy. So why is it that a woman like Berry (who could probably stop a meteorite with her looks) ends up getting doodled in the romance department? Let’s examine her track record. Reading this should put your imperfections in perspective.

David JusticDavid Justice

Halle was married to David Justice, a Major League baseball player, for three years. At first both parties played it cool, and blamed the failure of the marriage on bi-coastal challenges. From there, things became a major-league disaster. It got ugly when Justice demanded that Berry furnish details of her previous relationships with Wesley Snipes and Eddie Murphy. Berry accused Justice of trying to embarrass her (you have to admit — being in a relationship with either of those guys is kind of embarrassing). From there Justice was an unwelcome presence in Berry’s yard and home and she slapped him with a temporary restraining order. Sadly, the relationship with David Justice would prove to be the least dramatic.

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Eric Benet and Halle BerryEric Benet

Dashing good looks and a soul singer? What’s not to love about Eric Benet? There was that little issue of him running around with his pants down around his ankles while he was married to Berry. This naturally begged the question: Who the hell cheats on Halle Berry? If her success and beauty is no safeguard against infidelity, what chance do the rest of us have? Benet allegedly slept with as many as 10 women while married to Berry and ended up in sex rehab (jerk-wad rehab must have been full). The rehabilitation must not have stuck because the marriage ended after, you guessed it, three years.

Gabriel aubryGabriel Aubry

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we decide to date a male model who is nine years younger. One can hardly fault Berry for falling for the exquisite Aubry, but was the subsequent fallout worth it? Since their split, Berry and Aubry have engaged in a very ugly, and very public custody battle over their daughter, Nahla. The Oscar-winning actress slapped Aubry with a (say it with us folks) restraining order, after Aubry allegedly pushed the nanny while she carried Nahla. This drama-infused custody battle is even affecting her current relationship with…

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Olivier Martinez Halle BerryOlivier Martinez

Halle sure knows how to pick a hottie. Who can forget Olivier Martinez as Diane Lane’s lover in Unfaithful? Now that Olivier left Aubry looking like a Fight Club reject after the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, we’re left to wonder if Martinez is also hot under the collar. It would seem Ms. Berry faces the same challenges the rest of us non-Bond-girls face: finding a nice-looking guy who isn’t completely maladjusted. It might be time for her to break off her engagement to Martinez and date a more average Joe. An everyday guy may not grace any calendars or big screens, but he may be able to control his temper and sexual urges. Just a thought. (The backdrop of this poster, with the gun pointed at Halle’s head is kind of disturbing, wouldn’t you say?)

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Images courtesy WENN.com, David Justice photo credit Daneil Tanner/WENN.com, Olivier Martinez photo credity Ai-wire/WENN.com