Edward & Bella's baby: Pregnancy no cure for couple's issues
It’s a tale as old as time. Girl meets boy. Girl and boy fall in love. Girl and boy hit a road bump in the relationship. Girl and boy think a baby might “help.” If you ever need any additional proof how painfully illogical this train of thought is, just picture poor knocked-up Bella.
HAVING A BABY TURNS YOUR BRAIN TO MUSH
Before becoming pregnant, you are capable of all manner of rational and coordinated actions. As soon as that fertilized egg travels through your fallopian tubes, however, you have a hard time stringing together words to form a coherent sentence. Sometimes you trip… over nothing. Or wait ten minutes for toast before realizing your toaster isn’t plugged in. This phenomenon, known as “baby brain,” doesn’t just affect the mother-to-be. While Bella’s cerebellum is foggy with happy baby thoughts, Edward’s cranium is likewise maxed out — except he can dwell on nothing other than guilt for getting Bella pregnant in the first place, and fears that the baby will be evil. Yikes! That’s a lot to overcome in couple’s therapy.
POST-FETUS FIGHTS WILL PUT HAIR ON YOUR CHEST
So you’ve had a couple of spats lately. Maybe it drives you crazy when he cranks the volume up on SportsCenter. Perhaps he finds your twice-a-day Starbucks habit excessive. In the grand scheme of things, these little fights — although they may seem significant at the time — can’t hold a candle to the arguments you will have when a kid enters the picture. As soon as pregnancy strikes, a woman throttles into mama-bear mode and never shifts out of it. Any disagreement revolving around her offspring, whether it be the ideal bedtime or the appropriate discipline, can shoot to grizzly rage status if she is provoked enough. Bella and Edward went from debating when they’d consummate their relationship to duking it out over whether or not their baby had a soul. That, my friends, is heavy stuff.
FRIENDS WITHOUT KIDS MAY GO M.I.A.
When Bella gets pregnant, she drops off sister-in-law/BFF Alice’s radar — in a totally supernatural way at first, since Alice’s “sight” can’t extend to a future including half-vamps. But that wasn’t the only thing keeping Alice from warming up to the baby baking in Bella’s belly... she resented little Renesmee in the beginning because of the pain the future Cullen was causing its mommy. Alice, of course, wasn’t the only friend of Bella and Edward who sought distance from the couple after hearing the big news. This is actually quite common in the real world as well. Sometimes friends without kids just aren’t sure where they fit into the picture any more. Sometimes you grow apart simply because you get immersed in the many responsibilities of parenthood. Either way, if you’re expecting, it’s probably a good idea to go ahead and start staking out that fun-looking couple in your building who are knocked up too.
IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE PEES THEIR PANTS
Clearly, anyone who entertains the idea that getting pregnant will reignite the romantic spark in their relationship has never been pregnant before. While it’s true that sharing such a profound experience will bring you and your partner close in a life-changing way, you'd better be ready for a bumpy ride. Bella had to endure deteriorating health, bruises and broken bones from the baby’s kicks and even drinking donated human blood. While it’s true the rest of us won’t be harboring a superhuman vampire baby in our uterus, we’ll still have to contend with pregnancy perils like a leaky bladder, morning sickness, raging heartburn, extreme fatigue, embarrassing flatulence and, well, the list goes on. So before you go tossing out the birth control when your relationship needs a boost, you'd better be damn sure you’re ready to say goodbye to your vanity — who cares what your hair looks like when your partner has seen you after delivery wearing stretchy pants and sitting on an ice pack?