Most “blockbusters” these days are about comic book heroes, remakes of movies we’ve already seen (a Conan the Barbarian remake, really?), or a story about vampires. We’re bored with Hollywood’s lazy cinematic attempts and this weekend is a shining example of why. Here are a few reasons you’re better off staying at home Saturday night…
Jack and Diane
“A little ditty ‘bout Jack and Diane, two girls who make out on camera, as much as they can.” Yowza. This feel-good little picture features some girl-on-girl action that takes a turn for the worse when Diane realizes Jack is moving and Diane starts to experience some werewolf-like tendencies. Uh-huh. Who can’t relate to this? We all remember how the heartbreak of our first love made us want to turn into a hairy beast and kill people. In the trailer, we hear Diane say, “I wish I could unzip my body and put you in there.” Will Diane turn Jack into a skin-suit? Find out for yourself. It’s your $12. Spend it how you want.
Uninspired titles not-withstanding (we found 21 other movies with the same title) this may be the least sucky of the movie releases for the weekend of Nov. 2nd. With Denzel Washington playing the lead, you may be wondering how this film could possibly make a list of panned movies. The answer is partially rooted in the hero-turned villain plotline, but the primary reason we’re skeptical of Flight is for its supporting cast. John Goodman plays a Big Lebowski-type character and whenever we see Tamara Tunie, we’re still haunted by her poorly executed lines on As the World Turns. Maybe we’re wrong. You go check it out and let us know. We’ll be at home watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta premiere.
IMDb’s synopsis of this movie reads, “When a family of raccoons discover worms living underneath the sod in Jeff and Nealy’s backyard, this pest problem begins a darkly comic and wild chain reaction of domestic tension, infidelity and murder.” It was probably impolite to write, “Tobey Maguire has spent all of his Spidey-movie money and those Hollywood luxuries ain’t gonna pay for themselves.” The most positive thing we can say about this is at least it’s not another Spider-Man movie.
A Late Quartet
Oh, how we’d love to not be snarky about a movie starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, Christopher Walken, and Catherine Keener! What an amazing cast. And what seemingly agonizing subject matter. Snore. This actually, because of the cast, has the potential to be a really good movie, but only under the proper conditions. They are as follows: Husband and kids leave for a day, you have the house and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s to yourself, and most important, you have a backup feature in case you get 15 minutes into this one and hate it.