Hot on the heels of last night’s final presidential debate, Donald Trump began stirring the political pot with talk of “very big news” about Obama that may change the course of the election. So what does the mop-topped mogul have up his overpriced sleeve? We wager a few guesses.
- Trump has found a birth certificate proving Obama hails from outside the United States. Trump’s been hiding it in his hair for safekeeping.
- Obama and Big Bird are in cahoots — they plan to stage a coop… er, coup, if Romney wins the election.
- If Obama loses to his Republican opponent, he’ll be appearing on a special Oval Office–inspired season of Celebrity Apprentice. Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are in talks to compete with the current POTUS.
Inappropriate campaign-funding alert! Barack’s buddy, George Clooney, is slipping the prez a dollar under the table every time someone tweets “horses and bayonets.”
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- Obama is actually an alien whose core consists of liquid hot magma, thus explaining away Romney’s supremely sweaty performance in the last presidential debate.
- That ain’t no regular ciggie the POTUS has been smoking.
- Obama isn’t who he says he is. He’s actually Joan Rivers, who’s simply had a few too many cosmetic procedures (hey, she was hardly recognizable before, right?). This explains why the leader of the country is constantly hitting the talk show circuit. The person now posing as Joan Rivers is actually Heidi Montag.
- The president is a closet Republican. Case in point? The man uses his fingers far too often to form peace signs a la Nixon or thumbs-up a la Dubya. Either that, or he is secretly related to Bill Nye the Science Guy.
- Trump suspects Obama is harboring a love child with none other than ultraconservative gabmaster Nancy Grace.
Trump knows something we’ve been dying to discover. When the president appeared on Late Night with Jay Leno, the talk show host divulged the truth about his two-toned hair.
Donald Trump image courtesy of Joseph Marzullo/WENN.com, Barack Obama image courtesy of WENN.com