Everybody gets word vomit occasionally. Celebrities are not immune. They somehow forget that they are in front of a microphone, or on a camera, or surrounded by people with smartphones. Here’s why celebrities say spectacularly stupid stuff:
To become relevant
Nick Cassevetes, on the topic of incest, said, “Who gives a damn? Love who you want.” If you’re saying “Nick who?” this may very well be why celebrities say this kind of stuff in the first place. Nick Cassevetes, a writer-director and director of The Notebook and Alpha Dog (oh, that Nick Cassevetes), let loose with this pearl at the Toronto Film Festival in response to the incestuous relationship between a brother and sister in his movie, Yellow.
And there you have it. Now we’re all talking about an ageless taboo — incest — and Nick’s latest movie. So are these types of brain belches really an act of stupidity or a calculated marketing ploy? Ask Snooki from Jersey Shore, who helped make a human train wreck a household name with quotes that seemed to have bypassed her brain entirely.
How can we forget when Snooki was being interviewed by Big J from Montana’s Hot 101.9 and he asked if she’d ever been to Montana.
She responded with “Where is Montana?” And then turned from the phone and said, “Is that a state?”
Suffice it to say we won’t be seeing Momma Snooki on Jeopardy! anytime soon.
To regain relevance
Sometimes celebrity folks forget the distinction between famous and infamous. Charlie Sheen is the quintessential and latest example of this. For a few weeks, most of us reading the headlines were thinking, “Who stuffed Sheen full of mind-altering drugs and put him on a mic?” In case we were lying awake at night thinking about it, Sheen clarified:
“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p***y.”
Good to know. In addition to having tiger blood, Chuck Sheen also noted, “We are high priest Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom!”
Charlie was doing one of two things — either putting the double ass in assassin or trying to stay on everyone’s radar after being summarily dismissed from Two and a Half Men.
To draw us into a circular maze of logic
Sometimes high-profile people think they can dazzle us with syntax. Former New York City mayor David Dinkins issued a shining example of this when he said, “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” Oh, when you put it that way… What, for the love of the all that is holy and inane, is that supposed to mean?
Because somewhere along the way, they were told brainless is cute
Get comfortable, because this is a crowded category. Jessica Simpson sort of opened this Pandora’s box of gibberish when, in and among other mindless rants, she asked then-husband Nick Lachey if Chicken by the Sea was chicken or fish.
Tara Reid said, “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.”
Apparently she didn’t want to set the bar too high with “rocket scientist.”
Then Mariah Carey took the torch and said, “Whenever I see those poor starving kids around the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all the flies and death and stuff.”
She’s right. There has to be a better way to lose weight that doesn’t involve all that unsightly suffering.
Britney Spears said she didn’t want to go to Japan because she simply doesn’t like eating fish, and she knew that was very popular in Africa. Does your head hurt yet?
Because they think no one is listening?
Hey, we’re not psychologists here. We’re just trying to exhaust every reasonable explanation. You’d think that when a seasoned vet like Johnny Depp sits across the table from someone who is holding a tape recorder and says, “I’m interviewing you,” he’d put his filter on full alert. That way he could have been spared the violent criticism in response to his telling Vanity Fair that being photographed was like “being raped.” You can image the excrement storm that kicked up. It was nearly as large as the stinking mess he made when he compared France to America, saying that American culture was a “disaster.”