Hulk Hogan says he is shaving off his trademark blond mustache — but at least one group says doing so will tear the fabric of the universe. Will Hulk relent?
Wrestling legend Hulk Hogan is known for one thing as much as his career: his glorious blond mustache. Now, though, The Hulk says he is shaving it off — along with the hair on his head!
Totally ignoring the story of Samson in the Bible, Hulk Hogan told TMZ, “I’m getting ready to go on some auditions. I’m getting ready to shave my head and my mustache. So that should be scary…”
Nooooooooooooooo! We’re not the only ones upset about this devastating turn of events. Dr. Aaron Perlut, Chairman of the American Mustache Institute, says Hulk can’t shave the ‘stache because he is “seen as a longtime leading figure in the sexually dynamic Mustached American community.”
“Not only would the removal of his lower nose foliage cause angels in heaven to die and fall to earth — as is written in biblical texts — but it would send a poor message to young people of Mustached American descent who wish to embrace the Mustached American experience,” Perlut told TMZ.
“We do hope that Mr. Hogan, for whom we have great reverence, reconsiders shaving his upper lip shading device as millions of those he has inspired would be greatly let down, leading to mass chaos and deep bouts of depression in the Mustached American community.”
Perhaps poor Hulk is just too distracted by the pain of a recent dental error to be thinking clearly. Earlier this week he had to have a mess in his mouth cleaned up after a dentist accidentally ripped out 50 stitches and left a metal tack in his mouth after surgery.
“They had to drill a f**king hole in my face!” he said. “I have to have a meeting with my lawyers now.”
Do what you need to do Hulk, just don’t have a meeting with your razor!