We commoners have kissed plenty of frogs, but nary a chick can boast snogging a prince.
Obviously, we’ll never have the opportunity to test this out in practice. And to be sure, we would rather stab ourselves in the eye with a rusty pair of cuticle scissors than make out with Prince Charles. Sorry, Charlie old boy.
But let’s talk pure mechanics. Who in their royal wedding “first kiss” photo boasts the better lip lock? Let’s examine the pics, shall we?
Commence the duel!
- Both Kate Middleton and Princess Diana keep it classy with a tight-lipped smooch. But unlike her late mother-in-law, Kate is actually smiling. Hey-oh!
+1 pt. for Prince William
- Prince Charles turns his chest into Diana, which betrays an air of sexual passion — the same air that found him in Camilla Parker-Bowles’ bed. Hm… we’ll give him one point for the arduous body stance, but it’s mostly out of pity.
+1 pt. for Prince Charles
- Prince William gently opens his mouth, closes his eyes and, oh la-la, is that a bit of tongue we see? There appears to be some serious romance here. Why, just looking at this makes us feel like… like a bride on her wedding night. [Blushing.]
+1 pt. for William
- Did Prince Charles fall asleep? Looks like he needs a blankie and a bedtime story. Hark there, good serf! Fetch this man some PJs and a glass of warm milk!
-1 pt. for Charles
FINAL SCORE: Wills 2, Charles 0
You win, Willy, old chap! Handsome Prince William takes the royal fruitcake for being the better kisser. Prince Charles might have bested his royal son had he turned out to be a faithful mate. But cheating on your princess is just royally douchy.