Jersey Shore‘s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has jumped on the celebrity book bandwagon with her new novel, A Shore Thing. We are pretty sure her own fragrance (probably smelling like burnt skin and pickle juice) is not far behind!
Self-proclaimed guidette Snooki has put pen to paper and wrote her first novel, very aptly titled, A Shore Thing. Even though she has confessed to only reading two books her entire life (Twilight and Dear John), the Jersey Shore star managed to squeeze in writing a book between her TV appearances and tanning.
Scheduled for release early this week, The New York Post has released these gems from her new book.
Check out these excerpts from A Shore Thing:
- “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
- “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
- “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
- “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
- “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
- “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”
Snooki told Jay Leno that her book is purely fictional. “[It’s] very exciting,” she tells him. “It’s just based on things that are in my head, like made-up stories.”