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Dancing with the Stars full report

Can someone call an ambulance on Dancing with the Stars for full-time duty? Welcome to our full Dancing with the Stars report from last night’s ballroom.

David Allen Grier tries to boogieHow did Dancing with the Stars become the most dangerous show on TV? This time it was Jackass star Steve-O being taken away due to a crushing blow to his back. The way they tell it, Steve-O was already aching when he decided to try a front flip in rehearsal not realizing that the landing would shove his mic pack into his spine.

Partner Lacey Schwimmer looked visibly shaken on camera last night as she explained about the swelling that finally caused producers to call the paramedics. Since Steve-O couldn’t perform, the judges and the viewers had to vote based on his rehearsal footage which was pretty bad. I don’t think he’d score low enough to land in the bottom two but it may be a moot point depending on the diagnosis.

Steve Wozniak, on the other hand, should be in the bottom two after his second dance. He’s working with a stress fracture of the foot but that’s no excuse for his lack of talent on the floor. He simply doesn’t have it and as fun as he is, this guy needs to go home — tonight.

Holly and Harry Connick?

Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin didn’t fare much better with their Harry Connick Jr. Quickstep. She tries, but it mostly looks like him dragging her around the dance floor. Some of that might be due to Dmitry’s inexperience as a pro, and with Holly being a last minute addition, it’s a bad combination all around. I give them two more weeks and they’re done.

David Alan Grier simply bothers me and I don’t know why on Dancing with the Stars. He’s not the worse dancer but there’s something unwatchable about his routines. He and partner Kym could be on the bottom this week and I’d be fine seeing them go as well.

Denise and Maks bring the heatDenise Richards is one of those people that I feel should be better than she is. She and Maks did a Quickstep to We Go Together from Grease and that didn’t help the cause. I like when they stick to music from the ’30s and ’40s for the Quickstep, it paints a much better picture.

{healidne}Go-Go gone?Also in the middle of the Dancing with the Stars pack is Belinda Carlisle and the sweet Jonathan Roberts. I don’t know what was up with them last night. Belinda had more energy and personality but much of the dance looked clunky and awkward. She’s really going to have to step it up if she wants to stay in this competition.

Moving up a notch was rodeo star Ty Murray and Chelsie Hightower. Honestly, I don’t know how someone so uncoordinated can be a champion bull rider. He even missed on the high-five at the start of the dance. Things did smooth out a little as he performed a bouncy Quickstep to Life is a Highway, but he’s not long for this competition so it’s moot.

Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas tried to pull off a sexy Cha-Cha but it was more sweet and fun then flirty and sexy. Shawn was blushing and embarrassed when talk turned to the sway of her hips. Getting this teen to show the passion of the dance is going to be her down fall, which is a shame as she’s a good contender.

In the rehearsal package, Chuck Wicks got annoyed with what he perceived as being a tent pole while Julianne did all the work. We saw him learning to walk “like Derek” and practicing a few tricks, but when it came to the actual dance, he didn’t do very much and the judges really dinged him for letting Julianne take the lead. I think the larger problem here is the intimacy on the stage. I say it’s harder for a real couple to get sexy on the dance floor then it is for couples who are only acting. Like Shawn, it’s that lack of passion that’s going to get them canned if Chuck can’t get over it.

The Dancing with the Stars judges were happier with Lawrence Taylor and Edyta this week but I wasn’t all that fond of their Quickstep. This football great doesn’t have the gift of the earlier athletes and I think his days are also numbered.

Lil' Kim loved diamonds on last night's Dancing with the Stars

Kim drips in Diamonds

Lil’ Kim and Derek Hough performed a cute Quickstep to Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend. I thought this number really suited Lil’ Kim and it was really fun to watch. I don’t think people appreciate how much her lack of height hurts her. Ballroom is designed for long legs and a stiff frame so working in hold has got to be tough for her. The judges complained that she and Derek weren’t close enough but that might be more of an anatomical problem than a lack of technique.

Melissa Rycroft wowed the crowd for the second week in a row as she and partner Tony Dovolani performed a spicy Ricky Martin salsa. This girl can really dance, now she just needs to work on the character of the dance. Right now she’s nothing but one big smile, though I certainly can’t blame her. I can’t wait to see where she goes with a bit more practice.

Burke’s Superman

Though not as good as last week, Gilles Marini and former two-time Dancing with the Stars champion Cheryl Burke are still my favorite couple. This week they did that thing I hate — they performed a Quickstep to a modern song. They used Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down complete with Clark Kent glasses, a glowing green gown and a man of steel reveal at the end. They received the first triple nine of the competition but there’s still a long way to go. Gilles is suffering from a separated shoulder and I’m worried that will knock him out of the competition as the training increases. Suck it up, baby. I want to see you in it until the end.

Tonight is the results show with a twist. The bottom two couples will perform in a dance-off leaving the judges to cast the final stone. This is what I thought American Idol was doing this year with their rule change. Though slightly different in how the save is handled, both shows obviously added this clause to prevent those big upsets like when Sabrina Bryan was sent home way before her time.

Also on tonight’s results show, Jewel will be performing as will Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and The Macy’s Stars of Dance are back with a salute to old Hollywood Musicals. I can’t wait.

Best dress: Lil’ Kim’s gorgeous red retro gown

Worst dress: Belinda’s short blue salsa dress did nothing for her figure. 

Best song choice: We Are in Love by Harry Connick Jr.

Wrong song choice: We Go Together from Grease

Best gimmick: for entertainment value, but not for the level of dance, Steve and Karina’s Buddy Holly routine.

Worst gimmick: Gilles’ Clark Kent routine, I didn’t get it but I love to watch him dance.

Photos: ABC/Kelsey McNeal

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