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Tiffany Haddish Wants to Make It Illegal for Men to Masturbate For the Best Reason

We’ve all been processing the overturn of Roe v. Wade differently. Some have taken to the streets in protest, others are organizing in their communities to make an impact on the local level, several have donated to abortion funds and more organizations in need of support — the list goes on. For Tiffany Haddish, the comedian and actress is trying to maintain some semblance of positivity in these difficult times, and she’s also getting creative with her own ideas to counter antiquated laws regarding anti-abortion legislation, and they all have to do with men’s freedom to masturbate.

“I know that it’s going to be okay — whatever it is, it’s going to be okay,” the Girls Trip star told Cosmopolitan for the outlet’s Travel Issue, referencing her endeavors to maintain a joyful frame of mind during times of uncertainty. “But I also know this: If they pass that law where they control our uteruses, I’m going to start getting into politics and I’m going to write a bill that makes it illegal for men to masturbate.” (This interview was conducted shortly before Roe v. Wade was overturned.)

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Tiffany Haddish for Cosmopolitan’s Travel Issue Josefina Santos for Cosmopolitan.

“Because every time you masturbate, sir, you ejaculate, sir, you’re killing somebody. That’s my opinion on that,” the comedian said. “But as far as joy, you gotta protect it. It’s not even just about protection. You got to manifest it.”

Obviously, Haddish doesn’t have an unrelated vendetta against men’s ability to masturbate: She’s trying to point out how hypocritical it is to call something a human life only at the point at which it affects the health and freedom of the person carrying it. If we’re to take the anti-abortion camp at its word that they believe life starts at conception, then they should believe that men’s semen is just as precious an ingredient of human life — and a mandate like the one Haddish describes seems like a good way to poke some holes in that logic. After all, it’s hard to imagine the Republican party eagerly voting to pass something like that, right?

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Tiffany Haddish for Cosmopolitan’s Travel Issue Josefina Santos for Cosmopolitan.

Leave it to Tiffany Haddish to have us laughing during these turbulent times. But in all seriousness, we love that Haddish is reminding us to find, manifest, and hold on to what joy we can during this critical moment of upheaval. We have to take care of ourselves in order to take care of one another. And for Haddish, if finding joy means daydreaming of a world where men aren’t permitted their own bodily autonomy, just to get a taste of what millions have lost, then we’re here for it.

Before you go, check out these brave celebrity women who have opened up about their abortion stories:

celebrity abortion stories

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