Quick disclaimer: This article is decidedly NSFW; proceed with caution. And perhaps blood pressure medication nearby.
A universe must have balance, right? Take Westeros, Essos and the rest of the Known World, for instance. For as much gore and brutality and bashing people’s brains in that Game of Thrones involves, there’s practically just as much, uh, smashing people’s brains out — if you catch our drift. Over the last seven seasons of the hit HBO series, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have certainly achieved that harmony by delivering some of the hottest scenes on TV. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t difficult for us to round up a slew of the best sex scenes in Game of Thrones‘ history for your viewing pleasure.
GoT doesn’t do anything half-heartedly, and that includes exploring sexuality and erotica in all its forms: the good, the bad, the controversial, the incestuous, the violent and even the experiences we’ve chosen to block from our memory. Because HBO is a network known for pushing the boundaries, some critics say the abundance of graphic intimacy in GoT is gratuitous. We say those are probably the people who are in dire need of this very list.
So, gird your loins. The following scenes are sure to make you want to pour yourself a glass of Arbor Gold wine and lay your lover down on a furry pelt by the fire.
Jaime and Cersei in the tower: Season one, episode one
Admittedly, this doesn’t end well for little peeper Bran Stark. And if you dwell on the fact that Jaime is boning his twin, Cersei, it’s sure to gross you out. Which is why we recommend putting on your “ignorance is bliss” goggles and viewing this scene as a sexy tower romp between Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Lena Headey.
Daenerys and her handmaid, then Drogo: Season one, episode two
Let it be said that it’s tragic, on many levels, that the marriage between Daenerys and Khal Drogo began with rape. That casts a bit of a pall on this scene, when Daenerys finally takes charge in the bedroom. But if we’re giving credit where credit is due, we’ve gotta say that the consensual sex in this scene is both hot and surprisingly tender. And it doesn’t hurt that Daenerys got a lesson in seduction from her handmaid Doreah before her tryst with Drogo.
Ros & Armeca in the brothel: Season one, episode seven
Make no mistake; this scene is full of weirdness. It’s basically Littlefinger instructing the prostitute Ros and another prostitute named Armeca in the art of faking it for clients. If the women are faking what, ahem, comes with Littlefinger’s guidance, though, it’s probably safe to say they nailed the lesson.
Loras and Renly while shaving: Season one, episode five
This is starting to feel a little bit like naughty Clue, no? Jaime and Cersei in the tower with the Peeping Tom! Loras & Renly with the razor! But we digress. There may be more female nudity scenes in GoT than there are male nude scenes, but the occasional gay scenes definitely leave an impression. What starts here as a simple intimate act of shaving turns into something much steamier when Loras turns his attention further South.
Stannis and Melisandre on the table: Season two, episode two
Making a monster shadow baby? Not the most scintillating turn-on, if you ask us. Still, Watching Stannis lay Melisandre down atop a battle map on a massive table is pretty darn scintillating.
Rob and Talisa on the floor: Season two, episode eight
If you can put the Red Wedding out of your brain, this scene will surely make your pulse race (if you can’t put the Red Wedding out of your brain, it might make you sob, so….). First of all, floor sex always seems hot. It’s hard and dirty, but who cares? The same can be said for Robb in this moment — the culmination of a whole lot of yearning and anticipation.
Ygritte and Jon Snow in a cave: Season three, episode five
Jon Snow may not be good at everything, but he apparently is good at oral sex. In a cave. With the woman who is now Kit Harington’s real-life wife. There’s something that feels a bit too voyeuristic about watching, yet we can’t look away.
Oberyn, Ellaria, Olyvar and the rest of their orgy: Season four
There are many moving parts (and people) in this scene, which we’re pretty certain was the best orgy in GoT history. (Granted, there’s still time for that title to be taken in the final season.) Oh, Oberyn! Here’s hoping for your sake that the great beyond makes allowance for your sultry Dornish ways.
Ramsay Bolton and Myranda by the window: Season five, episode five
Sometimes angry sex is the best sex (as long as it’s consensual). In fact, some people argue just to make up. Just look at Ramsay and Myranda. He picks a fight with her, taunting her about marrying someone else, just before he corners her in front of the window and they go at it. She even bites him at one point, which we found both totally warranted and deliciously kinky.
Daenerys and Jon Snow on a boat: Season seven, episode
For those who’d been shipping these two (unaware they were secretly kin), this sex-on-a-boat scene felt like a major release following months of build-up. Their chemistry is palpable, which makes it all the more unfortunate she’s actually his aunt.
So, there you have it. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to take a cold shower.