Divorce can be messy, especially when co-parenting comes into play. But it can be done in a loving way, too — in fact, Gwyneth Paltrow says she might write a book about “conscious uncoupling,” the now famous phrase she and ex-husband Chris Martin used when they split. While the phrasing quickly turned into comedic fodder at the time, Paltrow and Martin are getting the last laugh. Not only was their split refreshingly amicable, but they’ve remained close friends and committed co-parents. So, a book that helps other former couples do the same? Bring it, Gwynnie!
“Both Chris and I have made a commitment to continue to love the things about each other that we’ve always loved and to really continue to develop our friendship and to find ways to continue to communicate,” Paltrow said on the Today show on Tuesday, March 12.
However, she also made it a point to mention the transition wasn’t instantaneous or necessarily easy. To the contrary, co-parenting and coexisting as friends is “definitely not effortless,” Paltrow said, adding, “There’s been a long process to it. At some point maybe I’ll write a book because you really have to focus on forgiveness and spite that comes up; you have to let it go.”
“Sometimes life just surprises you, and it’s been really fun. I’m so happy that I was sort of given this other opportunity.”@GwynethPaltrow opens up to @savannahguthrie about finding new love and raising her kids with ex-husband Chris Martin after “conscious uncoupling” pic.twitter.com/PuLKuvHvC7
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) March 12, 2019
Paltrow and Martin were married for 10 years before announcing in 2014 that they’d decided to separate. They broke the news on the Goop website under the heading, “Conscious Uncoupling.” If you’re wondering what the phrase means, you’ll find a detailed explanation on Goop, which explains: “For our purposes, conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument within a relationship was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing.” While Paltrow often gets credit for the term, it was actually coined in 2009 by Katherine Woodward Thomas, who went on to teach this alternative divorce theory to students all over the globe.
Not surprisingly, Paltrow told Today’s Savannah Guthrie that those first few years of her and Martin’s conscious uncoupling required the most adjustment.
“At this point, five years later, it’s pretty good, but the first couple of years it was very effortful. For the sake of the children, we were really committed to maintain the family structure… even though it looked a bit different,” she said.
Over time, that dynamic shifted again when Paltrow and Martin invited other people into their lives. Paltrow married TV producer Brad Falchuk in September 2018 (Martin joined the family on their modern honeymoon), and Martin has been dating actress Dakota Johnson since October 2017.
“Sometimes life just surprises you, and it’s been really fun,” Paltrow said of finding new love and raising her kids in the former couple’s blended family. “I’m so happy that I was sort of given this other opportunity.”