The Bachelor franchise's new show, The Proposal, premiered last night. The premise? A mystery man judges 10 random women he's never met and then proposes to one of them by the end of the show.
It's like the Miss USA pageant-meets-The Bachelor-meets-lightning speed.
On the premiere, we met Mike. Well, we sort of met Mike. You see, Mike's face wasn't revealed until the very end of the show right before he proposed to the maybe, sort of "woman of his dreams."
More: The Bachelorette Made Me Realize We Need a Refresher on Dating Etiquette
Mike seems great. He's a real average Joe who works as a police officer and likes CrossFit. Mike effectively pulled at our heartstrings, though, because he is an amputee. He lost his foot in an auto accident.
And while we all hope Mike finds lasting happiness, let's be real, it isn't going to be on The Proposal. There are so many things wrong with this show.
1. How are these women even screened?
One of the top women, Kendall, revealed near the end of the show that she doesn't want children. And, uh, the guy, Mike does want kids, so obviously, he didn't pick Kendall. You'd think something as simple as future compatibility would be screened before the show paraded the ladies on the stage. It's not like they get much time to negotiate future goals.
Also, these ladies live all over the place. Is Mike going to propose and then the lady of his choosing is going to just pack her bags and move across country for a guy they don't even know?
2. A bikini competition!!!
If you missed the premiere episode, there was a bikini competition. Yes, you read that right – a bikini competition [insert eye roll here]. With the Miss America pageant getting rid of the bikini competition, it seems a little backward that The Proposal wouldn't nix this idea too.
A little advice from an OG member of Bachelor Nation: They should get rid of this objectifying ritual… immediately.
3. How can we get invested in someone we can't see?
Mike sounds great — a really nice guy. I'm sure he's great. But knowing that he lost his foot in an accident, that he's a police office and that he enjoys CrossFit and being active doesn't suddenly make me want to root for the guy. I have no feelings for Mike at all on his quest to find love. I literally just don't care.
4. The women aren't given any substance
Yes, the women are asked a bunch of fluff questions like, "What is your ideal Sunday morning?" and "How do you feel about dating an amputee?" and "Are you OK with the risks Mike will have to take as a police officer?" But, like, what's that really going to tell you about a person? I love to hike on Sunday mornings, I'd totally date an amputee and I would also date a police officer, but that doesn't mean Mike and I are soul mates.
5. It's clearly a looks competition
Because the questions are fluff and the time is so short, obviously, Mike is just going to pick the girl he finds the most attractive. Duh. What else is he supposed to base his decision on?
6. There aren't any stakes
None of the girls are upset at all when they're sent home because why would they feel any other way? They have no idea what Mike looks like, what kind of morals and integrity he posses and if they're even attracted to the guy. When Mike would send a girl home, she was just kind of like, *shrug,* "OK." And why should we feel any differently if the contestants can't even get invested?
7. Actions speak louder than words
It's easy to give the right answers. It's easy to say, "Yes, I'd date an amputee. Yes, I'm OK with the risks a police officer must take. Yes, I love being active." But to actually apply those things in daily life? That's a whole other ball game. It takes time to figure out if you're compatible with someone. That's why we date instead of just heading to Vegas with some rando. The Proposal gives us none of the actions.
All in all, The Proposal just isn't a sustainable show. It doesn't make you feel anything. The Bachelor is successful because the audience gets emotionally attached to suitors, storylines they can invest in, moments of love and relationships to root for. The Proposal offers none of that. So let's just call it now — this show will probably get canceled before the entire season can even air.