As the man who plays him on Saturday Night Live, Alec Baldwin has probably spent a fair amount of time trying to get inside Donald Trump’s head. And now, he’s putting all that hard work to good use, writing a new book that parodies Trump’s first year in office.
The book is written from Trump’s point of view as he bumbles his way into the presidency, where he promptly makes decisions and forms opinions based on what his aids tell him and nothing else. He also spends an awful lot of time stoking his own ego, according to an excerpt published by The Hollywood Reporter.
“My inauguration, the actual legal takeover of the government with the Bible and then the speech, felt totally fantastic,” the first paragraph reads. “Everybody watching, everybody listening, not just the 2 million or 3 million there on the Mall but like a billion people all over America and all over the world, on TV and online — probably on radio in Africa and India — so many watching, so many listening, no laughing, no talking (just me talking), total respect, even the haters terrified into a kind of respect, everyone focused on President Donald J. Trump. It would’ve been perfect if I hadn’t had to read the speech, because reading always brings down my mood, both in public out loud and by myself. But they wouldn’t let me wing it. Still, incredible, amazing, phenomenal.”
The book then goes on to poke fun at Trump, who massively overstated the size of the crowds who attended his inauguration.
“What do I wake up to? All of the disgusting, dishonest media lying about the size of the crowd, every channel, every so-called expert,” it reads. “It was like bringing a beautiful supermodel home at night: You’re so happy, but then the next morning there’s a rotting corpse in bed. (A figure of speech. Although that did also actually happen to a friend of mine.)”
Baldwin then goes on to write about how Trump apparently has no thoughts outside of what his staff tells him. Kellyanne Conway, Steve Bannon and Reince Priebus all make appearances.
“Why did I care so much about the totally wrong and fake crowd estimates? I didn’t care for myself, I’m used to that, I’ve had 30 years of that kind of rude treatment by the vicious media. What I really cared about, as Kellyanne explained to me, were the feelings of the millions of people who traveled from all over America and stood for hours to experience the most sacred moment of their lives. I was angry, as Bannon explained to me, on behalf of the forgotten men and women the elite media wanted to keep forgotten, to erase from the historical record with their Big Lie. Reince said we could maybe create a federal Office of Crowd Size Measurement in the Commerce Department, because they’re already in charge of the atomic clock that controls time. Which, by the way, I’m pretty sure my brilliant MIT engineer uncle, Dr. John Trump, invented.”
Baldwin’s book is satire, of course. And if the hilarious first chapter is any indication, this is going to be a must-read. Check out the rest of the excerpt at The Hollywood Reporter.