People Really Think Taylor Swift Is Secretly Pregnant

Swifties, we need to have a little talk. Apparently, there is a photo of Taylor Swift from a recent meet and greet in which she wore an oversize sweater dress and then bent over to get close to a fan, giving herself a little tummy pooch. And apparently, that means Swifties are going off the rails with theories that Swift is pregnant and her new single, “Gorgeous,” is somehow a pregnancy announcement.

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I can feel a migraine coming on from how wild this theory actually is.

OK, so first thing: Every time a celebrity takes an unflattering photo, we cannot jump to the conclusion that they are pregnant. That is seriously rude and messed up. Take a hot second here and imagine someone takes a photo of you after you eat Chipotle and how it would feel if millions of people saw it and started calling you pregnant. Everyone. Just chill.

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And secondly: Have y’all even listened to “Gorgeous?” Clearly, you have not, so I’ve taken the liberty of writing out some of the lyrics below. Sorry if anyone is, like, saving it or something and this is a spoiler.

“You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk.” If this is about a baby, Swift is already in the running for worst mom ever, and this is literally the first line of the song.

“Whiskey on ice, Sunset and Vine / You’ve ruined my life by not being mine.” There’s a theme here, and it is alcohol, something you don’t have when you’re pregnant.

“Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats / Alone / Unless you wanna come along.”

Generally, you’re not supposed to allow your baby to choose whether to come home with you, and especially not when you’re threatening to passive-aggressively stumble there yourself to hang out alone with your cats.

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In conclusion: It’s just a photo of her in an unflattering yet probably super-comfy outfit.


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