It’s the most wonderful time of the year… Shark Week! If your summer vacation plans are lacking, the best way to make yourself feel better about not hitting the beach is binge-watching shows about how sharks would just eat you anyway. Kidding, kidding. Sharks are lovely, misunderstood creatures who generally want to leave us alone as much as we do them, not that you’d know that from any of this lineup. Here are seven must-see Shark Week shows to add to your DVR.
1. Phelps v. Shark
Yes, you heard that right. Michael Phelps is racing an em-effing shark. A man, designed for land (granted, this particular man has won 28 Olympic medals in the water, but still) is racing a shark, designed to be one of the most efficient swimmers in the ocean. Hmm, I wonder who’ll win… jk the shark is totally gonna win. Tune in to see how badly Phelps gets his butt whooped, though. Phelps v. Shark starts Sunday at 8 p.m. ET.
2. Great White Shark Serial Killer Lives
Ted Bundy’s got nothing on a suspected serial killer shark who may be returning to the same beach every other October to pick off unsuspecting swimmers. A researcher tries to get to the bottom of it using satellite tags and DNA. This is an actual, true story, people. Great White Shark Serial Killer Lives airs Sunday at 7 p.m. ET.
3. Shark-Croc Showdown
If Phelps can’t kick a shark’s ass, maybe a crocodile can. Rumor has it there’s a place in Australia where crocs and sharks battle it out over who gets to eat the sea turtles. Did anyone ask the turtles if they wanted to be the prize here? Doubtful. Shark-Croc Showdown airs Sunday at 9:10 p.m. ET.
4. Alien Sharks: Stranger Fins
Super-creepy monsters lurk in the deep — but they’re just misunderstood. They don’t want to harvest the human race for food in their underwater lairs, they just look like they do. Alien Sharks: Stranger Fins airs Monday at 10 p.m. ET.
More: This Quiz Will Prove You Know Nothing About Sharks
5. & 6. Sharks in the City: L.A. and Sharks in the City: New York
Heads up, Los Angeles: you are probs gonna die this summer because all the sharks are coming to eat you. Sharks in the City: L.A. examines why they think you’re so tasty all of a sudden. It airs Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET. And don’t think you’re getting out of this, NYC. They’re coming for you, too. (P.S. Recognize the voice of the narrator? It’s none other than Mr. Big himself, Chris Noth.) Sharks in the City: New York airs at 10 p.m. ET., immediately after the L.A. show.
7. Return to the Isle of Jaws
If you’re looking for a relaxing tropical vacay, you might want to skip this destination near Western Australia — unless you want to become human sushi for a great white. Return to the Isle of Jaws airs Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET.
See the complete Shark Week schedule at Discovery.com.