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Bachelor in Paradise Introduces Strict New Drinking Rule

While most of us are still bewildered that Bachelor in Paradise decided to resume filming in the wake of troubling allegations about nonconsensual sex, ABC has apparently decided an appropriate response would be to implement a two-drink-maximum rule.

More: DeMario Jackson Defends Corinne Olympios in His Account of the BiP Incident

While Chris Harrison is hanging out on a beach in Mexico toasting this development, we’re all still here slow-blinking and wondering what in the actual eff is going on. ‘Cause, y’all, this new “safety” rule is a GD joke.

According to TMZ, production sources revealed the two-drink max. Per hour. PER HOUR! Yes, you read that right. The cast members will all still be able to imbibe all. Damn. Day.

Although everyone metabolizes alcohol differently, it takes a 120-pound woman an estimated three beers to become legally drunk. Call me cynical, but I highly doubt the bartender is going to stop pouring the cerveza after an hour and a half.

More: Chris Harrison Is All Smiles (& Beers) in Paradise

Yet the crew has reportedly vowed to monitor drinking levels and is making a point of providing food on set at all times to “absorb the alcohol.” Someone should clue ABC into the fact that food doesn’t, in fact, absorb alcohol — it simply helps break it down in the body.

But sure, why not throw some sammies at the problem while you’re at it?

Meanwhile, Corinne Olympios maintains that she cannot remember anything from the time period in which she and fellow contestant DeMario Jackson allegedly engaged in sexual conduct.

Despite the fact that some sources who’ve seen footage of the incident claim Olympios was lucid throughout, accusations of rape (or anything remotely like it) deserve a certain level of gravitas clearly not being given here.

More: Corinne Olympios Allegedly Remembers Something About the BiP Incident

While I love guilty-pleasure TV as much as the next person, watching this season of BIP would provide far more guilt than pleasure. Although Chris Harrison loves a cliffhanger, here’s a spoiler: When it comes to tuning into this train wreck, that’ll be a hard pass from me.

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