It’s no secret that a lot of women have a love-hate relationship with sex and sisters. I am with you on that one.
I love sex; I yearn to harness my sexuality and wield it like a fucking Amazonian Wonder Woman, but I haven’t found a way to comfortably do that yet. I’ve gone through the I-don’t-know-if-I’m-good-at-this phase, the I-hate-my-vagina-because-it’s-ugly phase; probably every self-doubt, self-hate phase a woman can go through, I’ve been there. But now, as I edge into my 30s, that’s over, because Margaret Cho taught me to stop giving a shit.
“Orgasming is such an important part of being a woman,” Cho said at the #BlogHer17 conference. “I think sexuality, it’s both personal and very political. When we can actually come out of this shame of having to come a certain way — you know, everybody’s different, everybody’s body is different and the way sex is portrayed in movies and TV and whatever is from a male perspective. So looking for other ways is an important thing.”
We all know that’s true. Hollywood, whether it be the show biz or the porn biz, is run predominantly by privileged white males. Who are they to tell us how we should come (or how we should do anything else with our bodies, for that matter)? And Cho doesn’t want us to just use our voice when we’re with our partners; she wants us to get real with ourselves when we’re alone. Like, alone, alone.
“It’s very political to talk about pleasure in a way that doesn’t include men, that doesn’t include partner sex. This is about our bodies and fully realizing the potential of our bodies,” she said. ” What I’ve found is that the true relationship for me is the love affair I have with myself, and that my partner is indeed my body. This is the love affair that you’ve got to make work… That’s why masturbation is so important. It gets you really involved in you. Don’t be afraid of that. As women, we’re constantly doing things for other people… you’ve got to find that true love for you. That’s what it’s all about.”
And you don’t have to feel pigeon-held to one kind of self-love. Heck, Cho is trying it all.
“It’s really about getting rid of this idea that there’s something wrong with our bodies or that we are somehow, like, certain areas are outlawed… I go on these projects. I was like, ‘I’m determined to have an anal orgasm.’ Because I just thought from all this porn that it must exist! But I haven’t found it yet.”
We have no doubt she will. And maybe I will too. Heck, join us in this anal, vaginal, whatever-hole-you-want revolution, why don’t you? Because after all, loving yourself in this day and age is a fucking revolution.
“For us to feel good about who we are in this moment, it’s the ultimate revenge. This is it…. This is who we are in this moment. We will be alive for a very short time on this planet, and you’ve got to enjoy every second, so embrace who you are. I look back at myself in the ’90s and I remember I hated myself so much… I’m so sad because that girl was so beautiful and she never got to appreciate it.”
Lesson learned. Stop judging, start loving and girls, start touching yourselves!