Middleton and her brand-new husband, James Matthews, were spotted in the Tetiaroa islands in French Polynesia last week before heading to Sydney, Australia, where they looked fly AF exploring Rose Bay.
They even took a biplane tour over the famous Sydney Opera House, where the pair was graced by a rainbow that they literal flew through in case anyone had any doubts that they’re the greatest couple alive.
Dreamy honeymoon goals, y’all.
Since Pippa Middleton broke all our hearts and didn’t televise her wedding, we were left to scour the internet for every scrap of information we could find about her Saturday ceremony. It wasn’t much, but for you, loyal readers, we’ve compiled everything we know so we can all get our fix of the latest royal-adjacent wedding news.
Middleton’s “something old” might look familiar
Also, can we take this moment to talk about Middleton’s wedding dress? It’s perfection.
The best man made the worst speech
James Matthews’ best man, Justin Johannsen, took the mic just before midnight after everyone finished a five-course meal, according to the Daily Mail. Then, he gave a best man speech that is giving us so much secondhand cringe from reading it, we can only imagine how guests must have felt when they were hearing it.
First, he made this super-cringey dog joke: “Now to the love of James’ life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about James’ spaniel, Rafa, I’m here to talk about James’ love, Pippa.”
Then he made us all roll our eyes with an equally bad joke about honeymoon sex: “With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal, and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in North Wales. At least that’s where I presume they are going as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he [James] was going to Bangor for two weeks.”
Why didn’t someone take the mic away from this guy?
Security was serious at this gig
According to Elle, each guest at the wedding was required to show a photo ID and give a unique password assigned to that guest. Still, someone took video of the best man speech and sent it to the Daily Mail, so so much for vetting all of those 300 guests.
Meghan Markle didn’t go to the ceremony
Speculation has been wild about Prince Harry’s girlfriend Meghan Markle’s involvement in Middleton’s big day. Now, we finally know that the family didn’t break with their “no ring, no bring” tradition — Markle didn’t attend the church ceremony. She did go to Middleton’s reception, where she wasn’t seated next to her BF. But even though they couldn’t sit together, Harry made his feelings for his allegedly soon-to-be fiancée very clear — he reportedly drove three hours round trip to personally pick her up and take her to the reception.