Justin Bieber's Alleged Tour Rider Has Leaked, and There's Just So Much to Say
Celebrities have always caught a lot of flak for their outrageous lifestyles. The palatial homes, lavish jewelry collections and shoe closets bigger than the apartments most of us live in all make them ripe for mockery.
Yet it's the celebrity riders that often tip the scales from bemused observation to full-on outrage at the entitlement of some celebs. Riders, for those unaware, are the list of requirements that A-list bands and singers provide the venue hosting their performance. Technically a rider is supposed to ensure that performers have what they need to give the best performance possible. Herbal tea with honey, for example, to prepare a singer's throat. Or some food for band members to eat before the show. These are totally reasonable requests.
But of course, with A-list performers, things are very rarely reasonable. Over time, the rider has devolved into a laundry list of bizarre requests that sometimes seem like they were listed simply to inconvenience those tasked with fulfilling them (removing all of the red M&M's from a package, for example, or hunting down an obscure brand of soap or type of flower). And thus, when the riders of the rich and famous are leaked, it's always fascinating to read the types of things they demand, and people love getting all worked up about it.
Justin Bieber is the latest singer to have his demands leaked to the public, and oh, Lord, are people going to have a field day with this one.
A Mumbai-based music journalist named Arjun Ravi posted what he alleges is Justin Bieber's tour rider (Bieber is on the Indian leg of his Purpose tour). And the rider is just as outrageous at you'd think it would be.
After outlining the singer's security detail (which includes something called Z-plus level security which... I mean, Z-plus just sounds weird. Granted I know absolutely nothing about how security outfits are rated, but shouldn't it be A-plus? Is it like golf and they score it backward so the lowest letter is the best one? Is Z-minus better than Z-plus? If you know, please explain this to me; it's driving me insane) we start getting into the good stuff.
The rider states, "10 containers will be flown in with items like a ping pong table, PlayStation, IO HAWK, sofa set, washing machine, refrigerator, upholstery, wardrobe cupboard, massage table that will be used backstage."
In case you were wondering what an IO HAWK is, it's a Hoverboard. A Hoverboard. The Biebs (allegedly) needs to fly in his own personal Hoverboard while singing in India. OK.
He's also bringing "upholstery." What does this mean? Is he flying in random fabric samples? Does he do furniture recovering in his spare time? Is that why he need the sofa set? Is he mid-reupholstering project? I mean, it's super-weird, but everyone needs a hobby I guess. Go Bieber?
The washing machine also seems weird because the plug and power supply would be different in India, no? So I'm confused about why he'd bring a washing machine he couldn't use. And just a washing machine, mind you. No dryer.
I've seriously spent about seven minutes thinking about Justin Bieber's washing machine at this point, seven minutes of my life that I will never get back, so let's just leave this mystery for now and move on.
There follows some usual celeb nonsense about five-star hotels and gourmet meals — although Bieber does (allegedly) specify that each of the five meals served to him daily must be named after his songs. Not sure I'd want to eat a steaming plate of Sorry or a midday snack of Cold Water, but you do you, Biebs.
Then we start really getting into it. Biebs requests that his dressing room be filled with purple carnations — outrageous because carnations are garbage and everyone knows it.
He also wants something called an "Indian Yoga Casket" and cans of wild berries, both of which sound entirely made up, like plaid paint or blinker fluid. WTF is a yoga casket? And since when do berries come in cans? We both come from Canada, Justin. Don't think you can fool me with this shit.
In conclusion, I will say this: Although Bieber and I would fight over the carnations, we'd totally be snack buddies. White cheddar popcorn? Vinegar chips? Ritz Bits cheese sandwiches? I would be all over that snack table.
And honestly? I don't blame him for these demands in the slightest. Wouldn't we all do the same?!