How to Dodge Questions About Your Significant Other, as Taught by Prince Harry
Someone figure out whatever Prince Harry is taking, or what guru he’s meditating with, or what forbidden fruit he keeps in his gilded fridge, because I need some of his bottled steely reserve. (As if us peasants could afford it, but still, I just need to know.) I have never in my life heard someone be so perfectly calculating and in control when prodded about their private life. I’m over here accidentally butt tweeting screencaps of texts and being way too nice to known frenemies after just one glass of wine, while Harry shuts down reporters like whatever this skunk thing did to those zebras.
Outside of a terse wrist slap released via an official statement from the Palace, Harry has not publically addressed his apparently highly contentious relationship with American actress Meghan Markle.
And that makes sense. He really shouldn’t have to, and people also shouldn’t be harassing Markle for any reason. She’s a human being with a prince pursuing her. We should all be willing to let her have that, because feminism. And also because we either get another royal wedding to livetweet and day drink through or a juicy tell-all book if it doesn’t work out. (I prefer a wedding but will settle for the book.)
But on the flip side, he is literal royalty, and it does make sense for his people to be curious who he’s... spending time with.
Regardless, Sky News’ Rhiannon Mills took one for the global team and prodded the prince about his relationship: “You seem in a really good place at the moment, you seem very focused on what you want to do, but you also seem to be very happy. Is that partly to do with having a lady in your life?”
The chill of the wind that blows through Anna Wintour’s hair filled the air as Harry mercilessly ignored her question, instead shifting back to his Heads Together campaign, which was the reason for the interview. He responded, “I think, I think the point that we’ve learnt over this campaign is that if you talk, if you’re able and comfortable enough to be able to talk about certain issues, certain experiences, then you come out of it a far better person."
Mills tried again. Let me repeat, Mills tried again, asking, “But you’re in a good place at the moment?” Harry threw chipped ice in her face replied, “Yeah, of course, I’m in a good place, we’re all in a good place, and we want the U.K. to be in a good place as well.”
So, don’t expect anything but tabloid rumors on that anytime soon, and I hereby dedicate this song to Rhiannon Mills for surviving a royal rejection.