Bill Murray is the lovably sarcastic actor whose sense of humor is drier than the Sahara Desert. That, combined with his inescapable charm, has helped him land unforgettable roles in movies like Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, What About Bob, Lost in Translation and (of course) Caddyshack. Basically, Murray is the shit, and you probably love him.
Case in point: Murray’s lovability was front and center when he got silly while throwing out the first pitch at Charleston RiverDogs baseball game in South Carolina. The Huffington Post was quick to point out that Murray, who is co-owner of the team, was attempting to really make the opening day pitch all the more memorable with some good ol’ fashioned bribery. To make sure that his opening day pitch went smoothly, Murray tried to grease the umpire’s mitts with some cash, the joke being that if they had a monetary incentive, they’d make sure to call his first pitch as a solid one. This guy!
— Daren Stoltzfus (@DarenStoltzfus) April 7, 2017
This event is just one of the many that confirm Murray is probably one of the coolest dudes around. But what would it be like if he were a part of your life in a very real way? What if he were the one person who was there to give you great life advice while also making sure that family road trips weren’t boring? What if he got you the best birthday presents? What if he totally pretended he loved your Father’s Day gift while clutching the receipt because he was going to return it the next day?
Basically: What if Bill Murray was your dad?
He’d let you have a sip of his beer
Because he’s a cool dad and definitely not like the other dads, Murray would definitely let you have one tiny sip of his beer while you two watched the Super Bowl or the World Series. Special occasions call for special moments.
His “birds and the bees” talk would be next-level hilarious
As a parent, having the sex talk is always a bit uncomfortable. For a man who has made his living understanding how people work and incorporating that potential awkwardness into a character, Murray would know how to diffuse the situation. You’d definitely get more than enough information about becoming sexually active, but you also wouldn’t feel as weird with Murray turning every possible awkward element of the talk into a chance to make a wisecrack.
He’d play catch with you while telling you about Ghostbusters
Classic bonding activities would obviously include playing catch, but do you think that any normal activity with Murray would stay normal? Hell no. Definitely expect Murray to whip out some hilarious Ghostbusters anecdotes while you toss around a ball that is no doubt signed by one of the Chicago Cubs (his favorite baseball team, and probably yours too since you’re his kid).
His dad “interviews” for people who want to date you would be hilarious
You didn’t think you were leaving the house and going on that date without introducing your date to your dad, legendary comedian Bill Murray, did you? Well, you’re not, and he’s probably going to embarrass both of you, so get comfortable — we’re going to be here for a while.
He would always know the right thing to say to cheer you up
Whether he means it or not, a serious heart-to-heart — which Murray is totally down for because he’s here to guide you through life — will definitely include some jokes. At the very least, he’ll say something so enlightening in the wriest way possible that you’ll laugh at first, then the profoundness will sink in. He’s cool like that.
His birthday presents would be really thoughtful
Uh, can you say, “Movie memorabilia for days”?
You get to bask in the glow of being Bill freaking Murray’s child
At the end of the day, you’re his kid and he’s your dad. Whether he’s doling out serious life advice or he’s taking you to a baseball game, there would never be a dull moment as Bill Murray’s child.