First of all, I think there’s one thing we can all agree on. The official trailer for the Baywatch movie is ridiculous. It’s completely over the top. The opening dialogue features Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson instructing a man creating a sand sculpture of him not to forget his “big dick.” Speaking of which, there’s also an ongoing competition throughout the preview between Johnson and Zac Efron, though thankfully no one actually takes out a ruler. (At least in this trailer.)
There’s a lot of that kind of humor, seems like, since this is the poster:
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Because the climate is right for a good ol' RATED R rescue can and beach balls shaped in the form of a penis and testicles joke. This WEDNESDAY we bring you the EXCLUSIVE WORLD PREMIERE of our brand NEW @BaywatchMovie trailer. #BayDay #BeBaywatch #BAYWATCH MAY 26th * For the record, my one ball is bigger than @zacefron's.
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Boys of #BAYWATCH are some bad ass dudes. We have a lot of cool things in our movie. Rated R comedy, hard core action, beautiful ass kicking women, the unforgiving and majestic ocean, Zac's 17 pack abs, and most important our #1 secret weapon… @thejonbass. Underneath this layer of oiled up sex god is an extremely talented dude, 100% comfortable in his own skin and truthfully, Jon Bass just may wind up being my absolute favorite part of our movie. We are the boys of #BAYWATCH. And we are some bad muthaf*ckas. #Zacs17PackAbs #JonsBadAssery #AndMyAbilityToBounceCantaloupesOffMyPecs #BAYWATCH MAY 19th, 2017.
The director, Seth Gordon, is responsible for Horrible Bosses and Identity Thief, so now you know what you’re up against. Throughout, there’s a lot of saving people from drowning and serious workouts. Then there also seems to be a whole plotline about “drugs, murder and a dead body on our beach,” which also predictably involves hot women (including Priyanka Chopra).
It’s not entirely clear why Johnson and Efron are doing police work and going “undercover” (read: Johnson as a chef, Efron in drag and neither very well disguised), since they are actually lifeguards, but I suppose that’s beside the point.
There’s also a lot of talk about Kelly Rohrbach’s hotness, of course. “Why does she always look like she’s running in slow-mo?” Alexandra Daddario asks; “She’s the reason I believe in God,” Jon Bass professes. Uh, OK. Rohrbach plays C.J. Parker, who was originally played by Pamela Anderson.
Back in April of last year, Johnson promised “Rated R comedy, hard core action, beautiful ass kicking women, the unforgiving and majestic ocean, Zac’s 17 pack abs, and most important our #1 secret weapon… @thejonbass” on Instagram. Seems like this was not false advertising. He also promised something he termed “#AndMyAbilityToBounceCantaloupesOffMyPecs,” so there’s that.
No sign yet of original Baywatch alums Pamela Anderson or David Hasselhoff, who are both set to make cameos, probably because we bet they’ll both be on screen for a very short time (and they’re trying to save something to persuade you to see the actual movie). If you want to stare at Efron’s abs for 90 minutes or so, you can have at it on May 26.
Before you go, check out our slideshow below.