You know what we’ve all seen on TV for going on two years now? Donald Trump. Has seeing his face every day and hearing his voice significantly contributed to my wine habit and given my cats hemorrhoids? Yes. The point here is that the election exhausted us all. And its results haven’t proven any less exhausting or made the sting of losing Hillary Clinton any less heart-wrenching. So of course Ryan Murphy wants to make us all relive it in his next season of American Horror Porn Story.
“American Horror Story is always about allegory, so the election is allegory,” Murphy told E! News. “It’s our jumping off point. It is about the election we just went through and what happened on that night and the fallout of that night, which to many people, from all sides of the camps is a horror story… It starts on election night is all I’ll say… It’s very scary, that night, for many people.”
Murphy and his writing comrades are only halfway through writing the season, so there’s still time to boycott and petition to #MakeAmericanHorrorStoryGreatAgain. Just saying.
More: American Horror Story Season 6 might bring the series full circle
Joking aside (or am I?), Murphy has an innate ability to turn basically anything into captivating television. From high school glee club to murderous sorority sisters, he’s cemented careers and made iconic entertainment in his own color-saturated, ironically twee way. And I in no way want to shade His Highness. But his American Horror Story franchise is kind of the ugly stepchild of his empire. I’ve watched every single episode every season hoping it will surprise me with a little more ennui, but I’m always disappointed.
Let’s go on a little retrospective, shall we?
We first entered the AHS universe on what is universally known as its best season — at least if you ask any straight white dude, because it’s the only season that wasn’t too influenced by queer culture for them to watch. It was probably the best because it starred Connie Britton and her magical, secret-keeping hair. But there was also something magical about the way that season weaved together mystery, chilling terror and a complex cast of ghosts from different time periods — making it far more interesting than your typical “lit fam’s gonna love this new house… and then they all die” trope. And it wasn’t remiss of Murphy’s usual genius gags, like a moody teenager ghost and Jessica Lange nailing crestfallen housewife. (Duh.)
Actually, let’s take a moment for Jessica Lange appreciation
The second season, AHS: Asylum, continued the show’s fascination with playing on classic horror tropes. And with Lily Rabe (who is also an acting goddess in my opinion) as a possessed nun, they kind of nailed that season stylistically and thematically. But Asylum did usher in AHS’s habit of letting the seasons drone on from the midpoint until they devolve into tiring-to-follow chaos. The first season (spoiler alert — but if you haven’t watched that season by now, you should definitely go spoil yourself) ended with a chilling bow tying all the madness together, with the family that was terrorized and killed stepping in to become the terrorizers and the killers as they lovingly gaze on their Christmas tree. It was cute and scary at the same time. It was great TV. Asylum ended with everyone screaming and crying and killing, and we were being taken in and out of different time periods, and who knows where the demons went? And the aliens too! You had to be too sober to keep up.
And the rest of the seasons have unfortunately followed suit. They take on so much concept-wise that they forget that they’re telling a horror story that needs to have a plot arch. Most people I talk to say they liked the last four seasons, but didn’t finish them.
I will say, though… and I think I speak for all of today’s witchy millennial babes when I say this — of all of the lesser seasons AHS: Coven was a goddamn thrill ride, and even though it also devolved into a confusing mess that led to a meh ending, it gave us Stevie Nicks as the literal embodiment of her White Witch persona. And this Fleetwood Mac/Witch music video:
Not to mention Angela Bassett killed in that season.
And they had some great witchy feminist moments.
As for AHS: Freak Show — with the exception of this:
I think that season, as well as AHS: Hotel, were travesties. Even when it comes to Lady Gaga. Like, cool, you’re an unhinged midcentury-modern vamp, but was it really worthy of a Golden Globe? I stand with Jessica Lange on that whole shenanigan.
Lol I almost forgot to mention AHS: Roanoke, so that’s all you need to know about that season.
So not only is it just a terrifying in general that last year’s election will be the inspiration for the next AHS, it’s even more unsettling that it could become the exaggerated, gory, overwrought stuff of seasons like AHS: Roanoke. Why would anyone think that we want to relive that trash fire of a year? We’re still in shock, Ryan. We’re not even kind of healing yet. We just can’t take it… (Unless you’re planning to make Jessica Lange Hillary Clinton. In which case I take back everything I just said).
Before you go, check out our slideshow below.