Hollywood to Donald Trump: Why Are You So Obsessed With Me?

Donald Trump had an interview with Breitbart yesterday (I’m not sure if it’s even necessary to state that it’s an interview with Breitbart, since Breitbart is basically the only outlet allowed access to the White House these days) and instead of discussing simmering political tensions or the slow, ominous erosion of civil rights, they talked about the Oscars.

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And in this interview, Donald Trump, president of the United States, joined the rest of the world in floating theories about how the now-infamous envelope mix-up at Sunday’s Academy Awards occurred, saying:

“I think they were focused so hard on politics that they didn’t get the act together at the end… It was a little sad. It took away from the glamor of the Oscars. It didn’t feel like a very glamorous evening. I’ve been to the Oscars. There was something very special missing, and then to end that way was sad.”

While reading the interview this morning, I flew into a blind rage over this stupid quote. Not only because he used “sad” — apparently the only adjective he knows — twice, but because ugh, my God, Donald. This. Is. Not. About. You.

I don’t know why I’m surprised that the president, who many have armchair-diagnosed as exhibiting narcissistic personality disorder, is trying to make the biggest nonpolitical news story of the year about him, but I am.

I am surprised that when asked a fluff question about the Big Thing that went down at the 89th Academy Awards, he found a way to bring his answer around to himself, not once but twice.

First of all, he’s been to the Oscars. Guys! Did you know? Donald Trump has been to the Oscars! OMG! The Oscars, guys! He’s been! He was there! He’s so important!

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Second, those darn meany “Hollywood elites” are always trying to ruin his fun and now they got what they deserved because they ruined the Oscars (which he’s been to) because they were focusing on dumb politics! Losers! Amirite?

Is this the first instance of a sitting president trying to encourage citizens to become less politically involved?!

And while PwC accountant Brian Cullinan was definitely distracted by something while he handed the wrong envelope to Warren Beatty — like, um, Emma Stone, for example:

I can almost guarantee you that one thing he was definitely not thinking about was the 45th president of the United States. Trust.

So why, why would Trump say this? Why even start this conversation? Why not simply give an appropriately gracious statement about the power of Moonlight‘s message and how glad you are that the Oscar finally found its rightful owner? (Besides the fact that Moonlight proudly stands for everything you are fighting to destroy, I mean.)

I swear, if Hollywood was a person, it’d be like ‘Um, Donald, why are you so obsessed with me?”

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I’ve spent the whole morning stewing about this question and his stupid quote, and I think finally have an answer: He’s jealous.

I know! It seems too simple, but hear me out.

Hollywood is the gorgeous woman Donald Trump keeps trying to date, but she’s totally out of his league and they both know it.

He’s tried to slide into her DM’s with his reality shows and his flashy resorts; he even created a goddamn gold-plated penthouse to impress her! But still, it wasn’t enough. She thought his displays of wealth were tacky and his boasting was crass. He was relegated to the sidelines, a failed reality star, a caricature, a middling businessman whose businesses have gone bankrupt six times.

Pre-Apprentice, the rare occasions when he did appear on screen were for seconds-long cameos (like in Full House) or when his ridiculous mannerisms were the butt of the jokes on WWF (now called WWE), The Simpsons and Sex and the City.

And now, after securing the most powerful position in the country, he still hasn’t won her over. If anything, Hollywood respects him less than they did before. Donald Trump has grown up in privilege, he’s very used to getting what he wants, and he cannot deal with not having this.

Hence the late-night tweets about SNL, his incredibly thin skin to any criticism and yes, his obsession with Hollywood.

Guys, Hollywood is too good for Trump, everyone knows it, and it’s slowly driving him insane.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Women Trump tried to silence slideshow
Image: NBC


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