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Canada Loans The Voice Celine Dion and We Are Hashtag Blessed

It’s no secret that the US of A is going through a bit of a moment right now. Things are rough, and as a Canadian, I’d like you to know that we are here for you. We’re your closest neighbors, your BFFs, and goddamn it, we are here to help!

To prove it, we will soon be loaning you our finest national treasure.

No, not our hottie PM or his kickass French wife. We’re not going to send truckfuls of poutine or let you win the Stanley Cup.

More: Kate Middleton Sums Up How We All Feel About Justin Trudeau Without Saying a Word

It’s better than that. SO MUCH BETTER: We are letting you have Celine Dion

Celine Dion
Image: Giphy
Not forever! You can’t have her forever. But we’re going to lend her to you for a little while to help you get through this challenging time.

“Mon dieu!” you say. “Why are we being blessed with this beautiful chanteuse, fluent in French and English and the absolute definition of extra?”

Well, you have The Voice to thank for this tiny miracle.

Somehow, The Voice convinced the one and only Celine Claudette Marie Dion to appear on the show next season as Gwen Stefani’s advisor.

More: The Voice Needs Garth Brooks as a Full-Time Coach

Celine Dion shocked
Image: Giphy

First of all, let’s just agree that Gwen Stefani’s great, but she is luckyyyy to have Celine Dion. And as an advisor, no less! We should all be so lucky as to have Celine Dion advising us. Can you imagine?

She’d say things inspired by the lyrics of her award-winning songs, like, “The whispers in the morning of lovers sleeping tight are rolling by like thunder now. As I look in your eyes, I hold on to your body and feel each move you make. Your voice is warm and tender, a love that I could not forsake.”

And you will have no fucking clue what she’s talking about because all you asked her was what you should order at Chipotle, but it won’t matter because you’ll be crying and she’ll be crying and then she’ll envelop you in her weirdly toned arms and everything will be OK.

This news has kept me smiling all morning and I don’t even watch The Voice. Singing shows make me uncomfortable because I can’t tell who’s good and who’s terrible, and the judges’ opinions are never the same as my own, and it reminds me that I’m incredibly tone deaf and never sing in public unless incredibly inebriated.


Celine Dion? Celine mutha-fucking Dion? My god, how can I not watch The Voice if she is going to be emoting all over the place?

Celine Dion excited
Image: Giphy
This is going to be unreal. You see, Celine Dion, youngest of 14 children, feels things more than other people. Ten… nay… a hundred times more.

Celine Dion emotions
Image: Giphy
She has to focus to keep emotion out of her voice when she sings. Because she has too much of it. And if she feels the full force of her emotions, she will cry. And she can’t cry! Because if she cried during her songs, she wouldn’t be able to sing in the way we’ve all come to expect from her, the second-highest earning musician of all time.

More: Celine Dion Shares Touching Tribute to Her Late Husband in Vegas

But her emotion does still come through, because of course it does.

Celine Dion fierce
Image: Giphy

What is Dion appearing on The Voice even going to look like?

What if someone is shit? Is Celine Mutha-Fucking Dion capable of advising Gwen that someone is shit?

What will that do to her? I’m concerned. Concerned for what rejecting people might do to Dion’s emotions.

Conversely, imagine when someone wins. Or gets through. Or gets turned around on. (Again, I have never watched The Voice and have no idea what happens on this show.)

I mean, they’ll be happy, sure, but it will be fucking nothing compared to how happy Dion will be. Dion will be overcome with happy in a way that none of us mere mortals can even begin to understand.

Celine overcome with happy
Image: Giphy

In conclusion, America, you’re welcome. All we ask is that you treat the strong-yet-incredibly-delicate pride of Canada with the reverence and respect she deserves.

And remember, we want her back.

Celine Dion goodbye
Image: Giphy

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

The Voice winners slideshow
Image: WENN

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