Vanderpump Rules is back, and as expected, it’s not short on drama.
The series’ fifth season premiered last night, and the SUR crew is already getting into some nasty fights.
First, there’s Jax Taylor. As VPR‘s resident pathological liar, he’s already at it again, but this time, for some reason he’s spreading nasty rumors about his own girlfriend. Why does anyone still put up with this guy? During the premiere, Taylor told everyone — and I mean everyone — that he walked in on his former co-worker Kristen Doute going down on his girlfriend, Brittany Cartwright.
Cartwright, of course, denied it, because we all know by now that nothing that comes out of Taylor’s mouth is ever the truth.
“I’ve kissed girls, like, drunk, but Kristen and I did not hook up, she did not go down on me,” she said. “I cannot make this any more clear: I am strictly dickly.”
And when Cartwright confronted Taylor about the whole situation, she even threatened to move back to Kentucky if he doesn’t “shut his fucking mouth.” Taking bets right now on how many more episodes they’ll last. My money’s on a breakup by Episode 6.
Possibly the best part of this whole situation, by the way, is Lisa Vanderpump talking about the drama, and Doute “chowing down on [Cartwright’s] Kentucky muffin,” as she puts it. LOL, dying.
And of course, the drama only got worse from there. As the gang headed to the annual OK magazine party, James Kennedy and Lala Kent decided it would be fun to fat-shame everyone, making rude comments about how none of the girls “worked on their summer bodies.” Kennedy even went so far as to ask Katie Maloney if she’s pregnant because that’s the kind of dick he is. Ugh, why is he even still on this show?
— kristen doute 🦒🤟🏽 (@kristendoute) November 8, 2016
Come in hurling insults unprovoked and run away crying. Give me a BREAK!!! #pumprules
— Katie Maloney (@MusicKillsKate) November 8, 2016
Buckle up, fam. We’re in for a heck of a season.
Before you go, check out our slideshow below.