Khloé Kardashian has spoken at length about her weight loss and newfound commitment to a healthy lifestyle — not that she really needs to, because it shows in the daily Instagram shots and Snapchat videos of her busting her butt in the gym, often at ungodly hours of the morning. But it’s something that is frequently discussed, as is everything else in Kardashian land. And her new interview with Harper’s BAZAAR sheds more light on not just the physical changes her body has undergone since losing approximately 40 pounds, but the mental changes, which are often the hardest part about a weight loss journey.
I would know, because, like Kardashian, I too have lost about 40 pounds; and even though this is pretty much where our similarities start and end, her journey has served as an almost mirror image to mine.
Kardashian told Harper’s Bazaar that she never set out to lose weight, but instead found solace in the gym, on the elliptical, watching Real Housewives, while her marriage to Lamar Odom was crumbling. She says she “loved that solitude” and that the weight loss was an unintended side effect. “I never thought about the number,” she says. “When I started seeing that I could lose weight — because I just thought my body would never change — I started taking it more seriously and eating better.”
This hits super close to home for me, as I struggled with a 30-pound weight gain during an incredibly rough patch in college. It took two years out of college — and an assumption that this was my new body and it would never change — before I discovered that it wasn’t just adding in exercise or restricting calories that would change my life, but an entire overhaul of the way I looked at myself to see true, lasting change.
Of course, I don’t have access to Gunnar Peterson, trainer to the stars, but it’s Kardashian’s attitude after the weight loss that resonated with me. As she explains to the magazine, “I definitely think the fashion industry, and people in general, look at me more now that I’ve lost weight. Even on shoots, I would never have options for clothing. There would always be this attention on Kourtney and Kim, but I was too much work for [stylists] or they had nothing in my size. I wasn’t even that crazy big!”
She adds that those same stylists are now clamouring to work with her at her new weight, lamenting, “[stylists] actually said, ‘I just can’t work with you’ — because I was too big. That always hurt my feelings, of course.” Now, she says, “I’m just like, ‘F*ck you. I’m not going to reward your bad behavior.'”
Like Kardashian, I too noticed I was treated differently by the outside world (albeit, not celebrity stylists, because I’m just a normal person, not a Kardashian)… but this became one of the hardest things to cope with in my case. Suddenly, I felt like peoples’ compliments on my appearance always had an underlying meaning of “you look great now, but wow, were you hideous before!”
The extra attention my new body received still makes me uncomfortable, especially when it falls under the male gaze, as it so often does. Those 40 pounds, in a way, served as armor for me to hide behind, and now that it’s not there, it feels like all eyes are on me, which makes me even more uncomfortable than being overweight.
Kardashian’s attitude is the one to have, for sure — she was no less confident before than she is now, and that’s the ultimate takeaway from it. And the fact that she recognizes the bad behavior of those petty stylists? That is what makes her beautiful, at least in my eyes.
Kardashian admits she’s still insecure, especially with the thousands of negative comments she receives on her social media feeds and in the constant Kardashian coverage, but she doesn’t let anything stop her from being her badass self. I may not be ready to post gym selfies or pose for glamorous photos a la Kardashian, but I’ll certainly try and channel her the next time I’m feeling insecure about a number on the scale, no matter what that number may be.