With Wild Lyle finally back in the house — and Mattie back from her emergency trip home, too — the Party Down South gang finally seems primed to let the good times roll. But first, the Terror Triplets have some unfinished business.
As you’ll recall, last week Walt, Murray and the newly initiated prankster Daddy rigged a bunch of random stuff in the house to make the girls think they had a tagalong from their ghost tour.
Paranormal Activity, PDS-style
So after a lovely family dinner together, the trio sneaks upstairs while the girls are sleeping to spring their boo-by traps. First course of action? Getting Daddy to keep his mouth shut long enough to enact Operation Scare the Hell Out of the Girls. Predictably, ’twas no easy task.
Once Walt finally gets Daddy to zip his lips, though, they send a lampshade in the ladies’ room flying — and Hannah is not having it. Or, as Daddy so eloquently puts it, “Hannah is probably gonna pool all over herself.”
One sleepless night, coming right up!
The next morning, as she groggily rolls out of bed, she insists, “We might need to call Ghostbusters.” Tiffany, who was convinced the house was haunted after last week’s buoy incident, literally cannot wait to get out of the house to head to work. To be fair, the whole thing is kind of funny.
On the way to work, Tiff, Lauren and Murray rehash the latest developments in the ongoing saga of Santana and Lyle. Not only is everyone amazed that Santana actually admitted she cheated, they’re pretty appalled that she was leading on both Lyle and the other guy, Brandon.
But they don’t have much time to dwell on the drama, because the produce stand is a’calling. While they water the veggies, the housemates decide to pick their employer’s brain about a potentially fun destination for the weekend.
When their boss brings up a NASCAR race at nearby Darlington Raceway in South Carolina, you can practically hear the affirmative ding-ding-ding of the gang’s brain — time for a road trip, y’all!
Back at the house, they run their idea by the rest of the roomies. To everyone’s surprise, Daddy has a hookup at NASCAR. The many mysteries of this man never end.
He puts in a phone call and, before you could slap a tick, he has scored everyone pit passes. Of course, with the only stipulation being they can’t get too crazy, you can’t help but wonder if Daddy will be the first Party Down South-er to ever get banned from NASCAR for life.
Meanwhile, Hannah is still totally freaked out about the ghost. So much so, in fact, she is positively certain the ghost hijacked her plush Haven puppy. When she tearfully explains this to Walt, he nearly sprains a socket rolling his eyes (that could happen, right?).
For the record, he finds it in about five seconds flat. Because, hey-ooooh, he is the ghost. Not to mention the fact that the puppy was chillin’ in Hannah’s backpack at the foot of the bed the whole time.
Life in the fast lane
Before long, it’s time to get the party bus rolling to Darlington, and this thing is legit. One could arguably live in it.
Once they arrive at the raceway, it’s clear that Daddy wasn’t joking around about his inside connection — they don’t just have pit passes, they essentially have ultra-MVP passes allowing them to meet pretty much anyone they want.
But let’s take a minute to focus on two racers in particular — Austin Dillon and Ricky Stenhouse Jr. — and ask ourselves: Why haven’t we been watching NASCAR all along? These are, as Tiffany puts it, “some good-lookin’ little boys.”
When Dillon quotes Billy Madison, I can’t help but swoon. Hard.
After meeting a slew of racers, learning that the pit crews completely service a car in 11.7 seconds flat and watching the cars whiz by mere feet away from where they are standing, the housemates have a word of the day: badass.
Everything in that moment was badass. And mega-American, too.
As sad as they were to leave, all good things must come to an end — and that includes NASCAR races. Fortunately, they aren’t too far from the college town of Columbia, South Carolina, and decide to spend the night partying with the locals.
What happens in Columbia stays in Columbia?
Daddy is stoked and, as Daddy is wont to do when he’s stoked, he is on a roll with his Daddy-isms, exclaiming, “It took a kick-ass NASCAR event to get ol’ Mr. Boudreaux back on the track. Let’s go out and get a new girl to rub your rhubarb!”
God help me; I love that guy.
At the bar, everyone is having a blast. Lyle even meets a pretty brunette named Juliana who challenges him to a mechanical bull-riding competition. Walt lands a lady too, and he even ventures to bring her back on the party bus.
And, again, Daddy’s got a zinger for that too. “Walter is the king of getting it going. There’s not a whole lotta room to bang in these bang boxes, but luckily, Walt found himself a smaller female,” he said. “Come on, Mr. September, put that marlin in a pretzel and salt that behind.”
Seriously, someone make a Daddy bobblehead that hollers out this stuff, STAT.
The saga continues
All in all, it was a killer vacation, but the gang can’t wait to get back home. Until, that is, the girls return to a room that reeks. Uh oh — looks like the Terror Triplets’ disgusting sludge concoction is finally coming into play.
Lyle literally smells something fishy about the situation, and he quickly sniffs out the offending prank. He returns the favor by placing it under Walt’s dresser, but we’ll have to wait to see what comes of it.
For now, a seemingly innocuous phone call has stirred up some more drama.
When Hannah got home, he dialed up her boyfriend back home, Cody. Since Cody and Lyle have a bit of a budding bromance going, she doesn’t think anything of it when Cody asks to talk to ol’ Boudreaux.
Unfortunately, Cody was the bearer of bad news. He’d heard from mutual friends that Santana had been out and about without her ring — and with her ex-boyfriend, Garrett. At first, Lyle tries to play it off like he doesn’t care and is O-V-E-R it. But you know and I know that boy is crazy about Santana, and this hurt his heart.
Apparently more than we realized possible, because in a matter of minutes, he starts freaking out and having chest pains. As the roommates call 911, Daddy ponders aloud that this might not be heartbreak… it might be a heart attack.