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12 Anti-romance movies to watch this Valentine’s Day

Sometimes your love life sucks and the last thing you want to see is another girl-gets-guy romantic comedy. So, grab a tube of cookie dough and a spoon (or popcorn) — because you’re going to want to watch these movies that cast aside love for wild girls nights, campy gore, sardonic humor, psycho stalkers and more.

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1. Heathers
Heathers is one of my favorite ’80s movies of all time — it’s the original Mean Girls. They just don’t make movies like this dark teen cult classic anymore. Watch the destructive path young love takes a brooding teenage misfit (Winona Ryder) down, as the bodies start to pile up.

2. How to Be Single

Rebel Wilson had some solid reasons for wanting to star in How to Be Single. “The whole reason I wanted to do this movie was to make sure that women feel like it’s OK to just figure out who they are and what they want to do with their lives and their brains, and take time to cultivate their personalities and interests,” she told the Hollywood Reporter. I couldn’t agree more. If you want to see something in theaters, get revved up about flying solo by watching this comedy with Leslie Mann, Alison Brie and Dakota Johnson.

3. Chloe

Lies and intrigue abound in Canadian director Atom Egoyan’s creepy psychological thriller. Starring Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson and Amanda Seyfried, Chloe focuses on a woman who hires a young girl to spy on her husband and see if he’s having an affair. It’s the perfect movie for those of us with major trust issues.

4. Fatal Attraction

The stalker movie of all stalker movies, Fatal Attraction stars Glenn Close as an obsessive psychopath who will do anything to get closer to the man who had an affair with her (Michael Douglas). This anti-romance film explores the darker side of desire and the ripple effects of a moment of deception.

5. Death Becomes Her

If you’re looking for a campy ’90s movie, look no further than Death Becomes Her, starring Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis and Goldie Hawn. In this film, the only thing male characters seem to be good for is doing plastic surgery on your walking corpse once you’ve taken a potion that will make you live forever or maybe strutting around as sexy pool boys. (To be fair, none of the characters are model citizens, which is precisely what makes it so fun to watch.) And the ridiculously over-the-top special effects are bound to take your mind off romance.

6. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Maybe you’re so sick of love you could probably hurl next time you hear someone talk about Jane Austen. She is, after all, responsible for setting you up with a lifetime of expectations that one day you’ll meet your Mr. Darcy. If so, you’ll get some satisfaction watching brain-eating zombies attack her beloved characters in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, currently in theaters.

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7. Dark Horse

In Todd Solondz’s offbeat dramedy, Jordan Gelber plays Abe, a hapless loser who falls under the spell of Miranda (Selma Blair), a beautiful, selfish, pill-popping train wreck. Watch as Miranda chews Abe up and spits him out, while Christopher Walken (as Abe’s dad) looks on in judgment. This brilliant and unusual film will leave you laughing uncomfortably — because sometimes love just doesn’t conquer all.

8. Kill Bill: Vol. 1

If revenge is more your style, why not watch this film about a onetime assassin (Uma Thurman) who will do anything to get revenge on her former lover and boss, Bill. And his punishment is well deserved, as he tried to kill her on her wedding day and is responsible for the loss of her child. This film is always fun to revisit, because nobody knows how to serve up a good revenge movie like Quentin Tarantino.

9. She-Devil

Any list of anti-romance movies would be remiss in not including She-Devil, a hilarious, campy story of revenge and betrayal. Starring Roseanne Barr as a burned-out housewife whose sleazy husband cheats on her with a romance writer who seems to have it all (Meryl Streep), the film will leave you laughing out loud at the lengths Barr’s character will go to get even.

10. The War of the Roses

“When I watch you eat, when I see you asleep, when I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in,” says Barbara Rose (Kathleen Turner) to her husband (Michael Douglas) through gritted teeth, . This 1989 film, directed by Danny Devito, crafts an entertaining story of a fairy-tale romance gone wrong, showing the house, the dogs and the car of your dreams can all just wind up as ammunition in your divorce battle.

11. The First Wives Club

Sure, this film is cheesy and dated, but it’s is a total classic. Watch Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton take on the husbands who screwed them over, as they realize they’re more effective as co-conspirators than rivals. If you’re looking for a movie about women pulling together that you can watch with your mom, this is it.

12. The One I Love

Don’t let the title fool you, The One I Love explores the limits of relationships, and it’s perfect for anyone feeling jaded. A married couple (Mark Duplass and Elisabeth Moss) go on a vacation in an attempt to spice up their tired love life — only they encounter doppelgängers (!) of themselves at their vacation rental that will have a lasting impact on their relationship.

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