I have a special place in my heart for the hot messes of television — who doesn’t love watching Patsy Stone wash down Bollinger Champagne by the crate with Stoli vodka in Absolutely Fabulous or seeing Mindy Kaling sneak a wine bra flask into her dry office party on The Mindy Project. So of course I’m thrilled to see CBC’s most glamorous train wreck of a character, Moira Rose, return for the second season of Schitt’s Creek.
On Tuesday night, CBC aired the first two episodes of Schitt’s Creek’s second season back to back. And Catherine O’Hara totally delivered as Moira. Check out some of her best Moira moments:
1. Moira’s “I can’t find my bag” tantrum
We’ve all done it — thrown a total hissy fit when something goes missing from our closet. But Moira Rose has a particular knack for it, sucking viewers, and any character unlucky enough to stumble in her path, into the chaotic vortex that is her closet. And she has an amusing gift for anthropomorphizing her belongings, like the missing crocodile-skin bag, which she worries another character is attempting to pawn for its “street value.”
“It’s an heirloom. My great grandmother took it from her husband when she left him, and it has been passed down through all the women in my family as emergency currency in case we need to leave our husbands in the middle of the night,” says Moira before tearing up. “I love that bag — I’ve kept it safe all these years, and now it’s out there, frightened and alone.” We feel you.
2. Moira proving she’s still the ultimate master of excuses
Moira has a total inability to take any responsibility for her actions, which is precisely what makes her character so fun to watch. When her daughter Alexis demands to know why, when she was “taken hostage for a week on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates,” her mother didn’t answer her texts, Moira doesn’t have to think twice before giving her an answer:
“I had just had my eyelashes done and everything was cloudy!” Touché.
3. Moira’s wonderfully outrageous and inappropriate ensemble
One of the best parts about Moira’s character is the clothes — she doesn’t dress like the typical over-the-hill woman you’d encounter living in a small, insular rural town. No, Moira chooses to dress how she feels. Her clothing choices are dramatic and dark, combining elements like fishnets, feathers, clunky oversized jewelry and a bizarre collection of wigs. And there’s nothing I like more than seeing older women throw the conventions of age-appropriate dress out the window and rock black nail polish. Please never change Moira.
4. Moira wowing us with her interpretation of “cooking”
You won’t find Moira getting her fingers dirty in the kitchen — or touching any food whatsoever for that matter. She prefers to act as a satellite director of sorts in the kitchen, relaying orders in no particular order, while struggling to understand basic instructions like “fold in the cheese.” But getting her to admit that is like getting blood from a rock.
5. And Moira finally gets honest with herself
Moira makes an attempt at having a heart to heart with her son, which of course simply involves talking only about herself.
Moira laments that when she was younger she actually had life skills: “I could make a bed, I could fix a wobbly table or start a car without a key. But then I met your father and suddenly I had people to do everything,” she says. “I assumed that I would maintain my proficiencies should I ever god-forbid need them, but no, I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless… “
And is she going to do anything about that? I really hope not! Because then she wouldn’t be such a wonderful train wreck to watch.