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Empire Episode 8 play-by-play recap: Absolutely no one can get it right

Luscious just won’t get right! Cookie better do right. Hakeem best to get right. Jamal, show you right. Andre, wrong won’t be right. Anikaaaaaaaaa, that is not right! A few of the random thoughts that careened through my head like arcade game pinballs.

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“I feel like my soul could use some cleansing, too.” Rhonda to the now-demoted BoBo Itty, formerly known as Boo Boo Kitty. More on the demotion below.

Luscious Lyon

If it’s nasty, he’s about it. I mean, I get that he’s all shattered from his frantically sad childhood. Yet, he repeatedly resorts for the tonic of evil instead of the tonic of good to quench his thirst. So, after he challenges Hakeem to a battle rap (using his puppet Freda as his alter ego), it’s clear to me that the only thing for him to do is to take a fall.

Also, Luscious’ ice grill with and at Mimi and Jago at the deal signing for Jago’s LiveStream is priceless. I, too, wanted to punch the little sucker Jago in the face. Yet, Luscious’ nefarious ways fade a wee bit like a good tape up when he joins forces with Cookie to produce a winner of a song for Pepsi. Which means I’m still team Nasty — aka Luscious. Even if, Luscious just won’t get right!

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Cookie Lyon

Better do right. I’m a bit miffed. She’s so caught up in sexy Laz (Adam Rodriguez), she can’t see the forest for the trees. When Laz pushes Hakeem, the Cookie I know would have shot Laz in the leg and laid him out like a rug. But noooo, Cookie 3.0 chastises Hakeem and Laz with a smack. But, by agreeing to team up with Luscious to make Jamal’s upcoming album, she earns her G stripes. Strictly business, babes. Family business. Which brings me to Patti LaBelle’s pies, but I digress. Cookie better do right.

Image: Fox

“Mirage à Trois,” minus two? Laura (Jamila Velazquez) has got Hakeem all on the goody-two-shoes, and you know like I know that means nothing but trouble. The Devil does a slow-clap when Hakeem falls in love with the virgin Laura and then announces it to Boo Boo Kitty.

Meanwhile, Hakeem crushes Freda in a battle rap and announces himself Hakeem “No Lyon” as the battle crowd cheers. Go, Hakeem, go. You are free from el gripo viso o’ Luscious! And the slow clap ends on… crazy ass Anika aka Boo Boo Kitty finding out she got a bun in the oven. And when you see Boo Boo Kitty in a wig chauffeuring Laura away as the episode ends, you remember: “Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman.” And BoBo Itty? Yes, I demoted her. “Minus two oo’s k” because she is minus two seconds from Snapped. She be scorned. And crazy-eyed. IJS. Hakeem best to get right.

More: Empire play-by-play recap: Is Jamal just using Cookie?


Bossing like a boss. After taking the Lyons by their collective tails, he channels the best of Cookie and Luscious in a master mix for Pepsi, gets them to chill at a party without ripping each other’s eyes out, counsels Hakeem on a game-winning strategy to win the battle with Freda and gets Cookie and Luscious to commit to working together on his upcoming album. Bossing like a boss, I tell ya. Jamal, show you right.

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Still trying to act like a conscience to he who has no conscience, Andre’s beginning to get under my skin. Which is exactly what I think is the point. Meanwhile, Rhonda’s heart touches mine when she extends niceties to Bobo Itty regarding Luscious’ penchant for loving his grands. Andre, I know you love him, but has he ever done anything but brought you pain? Andre, wrong won’t be right.

More: The big problem with Lucious, Mimi and the almost-threesome on Empire

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