There are few things in life that have the power to render everyone speechless, and Kris Jenner’s 60th birthday video tribute is absolutely one of them.
If you haven’t seen it yet, we apologize in advance for bringing it to your attention, but it really is like a train wreck from which you can’t look away. From the horrible, off-key, monotone singing to the blatantly shallow subject matter, it’s just plain amazingly wretched.
But it is amazing. You can watch it in its entirety here.
Kim Kardashian posted the 7-minute, 54-second-long reign of terror on her website in honor of Mama Jenner, and although it’s hard to watch, we have to admit we were kind of digging the ’80s nostalgia.
Our biggest issue with the video, however, is that it just conjured up so much confusion that now we want some answers! Here are all the moments that left us scratching our heads and asking, “Seriously… WTF?!”
1. Do her friends even love her, though?
We get it, we get it, Kris loves her friends. The big question here is, why is she making a video about how much she loves her friends on her own birthday? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? But, alas, if she didn’t make the video, then she wouldn’t be able to show off her lavish lifestyle and how totally tubular she is while driving around town.
2. How did she not injure herself on that dang treadmill?
That early-model treadmill looks precarious, to say the least. Kris should probably be wearing some longer pants to fend off carpet burn in case she falls off during her fancy footwork.
3. They had Cheesecake Factory in 1985?
I legit didn’t think those came around until 2002.
4. Kris is outdoorsy?
Who would have ever thunk it?
Is anyone else creeped out by this?
7. Did they compensate this guy?
Sure hope they gave this guy a meal or something and didn’t just throw him in the middle of their video about decadence for entertainment value because they thought it was funny.
8. Is Kendall magic?
It must be all the #Balmain.
9. The Biebs and Corey Gamble
Kris’ BF is 33 years old and his BFF is 21. You do the math.
10. This lady
11. Katy Perry?!
I guess maybe the Kardashians fall into Brand’s category of “vapid, vacuous, plastic, constructed, mindless celebrity,” which he mentioned in his documentary while referencing his marriage to Perry.