Party Down South: Hurricane Martha’s back — and winning bathroom twerk-offs

When we said goodbye to the Party Down South housemates last week, Mattie was just about to “get some” from Lyle. But did the Louisi-animals really score?

In a word, no.

Just as Mattie crawls into bed raring to go, Lyle announces he needs to go to the bathroom. And, you know, something about the drunken toilet slump and naked trashcan hugging that ensued just didn’t turn her on.

The mac ‘n cheese avenger

Meanwhile, Hott Dogg, who hates going to bed drunk and hungry (ain’t it the truth?), decides to cook some midnight mac ‘n cheese.

But ol’ Boudreaux stumbles downstairs and makes his way to the kitchen, where he dumps a good bit of seafood seasoning into the pot. This does not sit well with Hott Dogg, despite the fact that her spaghetti a few weeks ago included everything but the kitchen sink.

When she heads to bed, drunken Lyle decides to make it up to her by whipping up a fresh pot of cheesy goodness.

The process? A train wreck. Him carrying several bowls up the spiral staircase? Nerve-wracking. But the end result? Pretty damn good, if you ask the girls.

“I’m pissed… but I’m gonna eat it,” says Tiff about being woken up in the middle of the night with mac ‘n cheese.

Explains SallyAnn Salsano, 495 Productions president and founder and creator/executive producer of Party Down South, “Even drunk Lyle likes cooking for people. As for how it tasted, I’m willing to bet that it tasted like heaven to those girls, since they’d been drinking all night long. Everything tastes better at 2 a.m… delivered to ya.”

After serving it up, thereby cementing his status as the most adorable thing to ever walk the earth with duck calls dangled around its neck, he jokes to Hott Dogg, “I stirred it with my dick.”

Ha! And that’s the story of how I fell in love with Boudreaux.

Daddy’s epic fails

But I digress. The next morning, Lauren realizes the phone is ringing. Oopsie — the gang, in their drunken mac ‘n cheese stupor, totally spaced on work. Tiff and Hott Dogg hustle it up, while Daddy is “just trying to figure out if I’m holding a buzz still.”

Since the crew was late, their punishment was raking sand. Yes, raking. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Back at the house after work, Walt and Murray give Daddy a hard (*giggle*) time about his inability to seal the deal with Hott Dogg.

Party Down South

“Could you get it up last night, Daddy?” asks Walt. But when Daddy leaves the room, talk turns to Lyle romancing Mattie in the back of the cab on the ride home the night before.

“What did I miss?” Daddy asks, as he walks back into the room. “Apparently, the G-spot,” deadpans Murray. Badum-tish.

Party Down South

Later in the day, Walt and Murray finish putting together the porch table Daddy busted up, with Murray noting of Walt, “Watching you is like watching poetry.” I agree, Broda (bro + Yoda, natch).

Party Down South

After Walt lets Hott Dogg nail through the table hammer in the skirt, she opens up to the guys about her last relationship. She and Murray have a cute little bonding moment full of warm and fuzzy feels.

“Murray totally is a rock star all the time,” Salsano agreed when we asked about Murray’s especially charming disposition this week, “but I do think that bonding with Hott Dogg helped his mood. Murray feels deeply and genuinely cares about everyone. I think that making amends with Hott Dogg took a weight off his shoulders.”

Where Country Western (and libido?) goes to die

That night, the gang decides to head to Stagecoach, a country bar with “whole animals just hangin’ all over the place.” After all, what says let’s party more than decorative creature carcasses?

Hott Dogg is feeling pretty horny, ahem, I mean confident, saying, “Daddy lookin’ good. Hott Dogg is gettin’ some tonight.” 

Party Down South

But alas, Daddy gets hammered, hits on some cougars and back at the house — despite his assurance “this is the night Hott Dogg gets put in the pretzel” — he passes out. Womp, womp.

A step up… sort of

The next night, Lauren’s besties Harmony and Sarah come to spend the night and party with the housemates. One of whom Harmony has partied hard with before: Walt.

Party Down South

They head to a club called Levels, where Walt immediately feels out of place and wonders if Mr. September will, in fact, finally be getting some tail.

Hott Dogg’s hopes of getting some are soon dashed too, as Daddy proceeds to get hammered, drunkenly fall backwards over the bar and, ultimately, get the boot. Good times, man. Good times.

Outside, he wanders around trying to “baby girl” everything that moves. And maybe some that don’t. I’m pretty sure the light post was starting to look good to him before Hott Dogg ushered him into the cab.

Once she brings up Lil Bit, it’s a safe bet these two won’t be getting it on tonight… or maybe ever. Is Daddy turning into the Lil Bit of this season? Is Hott Dogg headed for heartbreak?

“Daddy is definitely not like Lil Bit, since he’s not lying to anyone,” asserts Salsano. “I think that anytime two people hook up, feelings get involved and it’s hard to sort through those feelings, especially when you live together. Daddy and Hott Dogg are both just trying to figure it out. And, lucky for us, we get to watch what happens. Make popcorn… it gets good.”

The return of Hurricane Martha

Back at the bar, Mattie is having a little too much fun — she decides to buy everyone in the bar a round. “Mattie must’ve hit the jackpot and I didn’t realize it,” says Tiff.

Unfortunately (for everyone), such is not the case, and Mattie’s credit card rejects the $355 tab. So, naturally, she does the only thing left to do. She goes apeshit on the bar’s ass.

Says Salsano, “Honestly, I don’t think anyone ever knows what really sets off Hurricane Martha, not even Mattie herself. I would guess that it was probably a combination of both her card not working and them not having an ATM. These things can be really hard to understand when it’s last call!”

Murray pays the nearly $200 left to close out Mattie’s tab, but it’s too late — Hurricane Martha has touched down.

In the cab on the way home, an emotional Martha, er, Mattie swears she is packing her bags and leaving. But according to Walt, “One good thing about Martha coming out is you can expect a good breakfast in the morning.”

We shall see.

Tales of twerking and noodling

Of course, there were a few things we did not see this week, like when Mattie challenged a random girl in the bar bathroom to a twerking contest. “Next thing you know, both girls are twerking away in the bathroom,” says Salsano. “Mattie won by ending in a split. How can you top that?”

Or when the cast went “catfish noodling” on the river. Elaborates Salsano, “[It] is basically where you stick your hand into an underwater hole and hope a fish bites you… not something I’d want to do, but they loved it! I’m scared.”

Yikes! I can only imagine the noodle innuendos the boys tossed around on that trip.

Tune in next week to see if Hurricane Martha leaves devastation in her wake. Oh, and Lyle’s wiener. Tune in to see Lyle’s wiener, too. (Seriously, check out the preview.)

Images: CMT

More on this season of Party Down South

What the terror twins really found in Hott Dogg’s drawers
An insider spills on Tiffany’s two explosive fights
Here’s what really went down between Hott Dogg and Daddy