Much to our delight, Martha Stewart will be viciously mocking Justin Bieber at his Comedy Central roast this month. Judging from some of Stewart’s past jabs at other celebs that were not meant in jest, Bieber should probably get ready for some homemade harshness.
1. Career advice for Gwyneth Paltrow
Stewart clearly has no love for Paltrow or her (admittedly easy-to-mock) GOOP. “She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart,” the domestic doyenne told Porter magazine.
2. A very GOOP-y Thanksgiving
Martha Stewart Living ran a Thanksgiving pie feature called Conscious Coupling, seeming to mock Paltrow’s “conscious uncoupling” split from Chris Martin. “Every Thanksgiving should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having.”
For the record, Paltrow got Stewart back with a subtle dig later the same month by posting a recipe for “Jailbird Pie.”
3. Blake Lively’s domestic ambitions are stupid
“Let her try,” Stewart told HuffPost Entertainment when told the Gossip Girl star was starting her own lifestyle biz. “I don’t mean that facetiously! I mean, it’s stupid, she could be an actress! Why would you want to be me if you could be an actress?”
4. Haterade for lifestyle bloggers in general
Bloggers are often the lifeblood of lifestyle experts because they actively promote recipes, crafts, and other assorted goodies. But Stewart has slammed them mercilessly. “Who are these bloggers? They’re not trained editors and writers at Vogue magazine,” she told Bloomberg Business in 2013. “I mean, there are bloggers writing recipes that aren’t tested, that aren’t necessarily very good or are copies of everything that really good editors have created and done. Bloggers create kind of a ‘popularity’. But they are not the experts, and we have to understand that.”
5. Orange Is the New Black sucks because of Taylor Schilling
Stewart has an intimate knowledge of how prisons work, having spent time behind bars after being convicted of insider trading, and she is so not impressed with OITNB or its Emmy- and Golden Globe-nominated lead Taylor Schilling. “They could have done that so much better. That girl is not good enough, the lead actress,” Martha told Porter magazine. “I met the real Piper [Kerman]. She was in prison either the same time or after me, and I talked to her about it.”
6. Rachael Ray’s faux-cookery is unacceptable
“Well, to me, she professed that she could — cannot bake,” Stewart told Nightline of Ray in 2009. “She — just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She — and that’s not good enough for me… [Ray is] more of an entertainer… with her bubbly personality than she is a teacher, like me. That’s not what she’s professing to be.”
7. Corporate drones like Sheryl Sandberg are minor league
That’s cute that Sheryl Sandberg busted her butt to become the highest-ranking woman in tech, but it’s not like she actually started the company or anything. “Too much time is spent… Isn’t ‘leaning in’ spending a lot of time?” Stewart told Porter magazine of Sheryl Sandberg’s career strategy for women. “I think being entrepreneurial is something women should strive for, rather than working up the corporate ladder.”