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Fifty Shades: We counted all full-frontal and lip-biting shots, just for you

We are just a few hours from Fifty Shades of Grey being released in theaters and everyone finding out just how naughty Mr. Grey likes it.

Admit it: Whether you love it or you hate it, you’ve been anxiously awaiting the movie’s release. I know I have! And I have pretty strong opinions about the book, let me tell you. But the real thing we’re all thinking is… seriously, how kinky do they get? And how many times do we get a peek into the red room of pain? And, ahem, how many times do we get to see Jamie Dornan’s sexy abs?

Well, we’ve got the answers!

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

Times we saw Christian Grey shirtless: 8

Image: Giphy

Anyone else wish it was more like 88 times?

Times he spanked Anastasia: 3

Image: Giphy

And, yes, I kind of liked it…

Times we saw inside the red room: 3

Image: Giphy

The first shot, where we really see the room, gave me a nervous sweat.

Times Anastasia bit her lip: 14

Image: Giphy

Seriously, girl, just stop it.

Times he tried to control her eating: 5

Image: Giphy

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he can be a little too creepy.

Times we saw a butt (either): 7

Image: Giphy

I admit: sadly more hers than his.

Times we saw full-frontal Ana: 7

Image: Giphy

Impressive for just an R rating, don’t you think?

Times Anastasia cried: 3

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This one didn’t make anyone happy.

Here’s the honest truth: I am not a huge fan of the books. I will forever and always give them credit for opening up women’s imaginations and allowing them to explore their fantasies, curiosities and demand a better time in the sack. But as far as the sex goes… it got boring, tedious and, from what I hear from my friends in the BDSM community, it was a pretty bad representation to boot.

All of that aside, the movie was fairly decent. I didn’t love it, though. The chemistry between Dornan and Dakota Johnson is pretty non-existent. His acting, really, is fairly heinous. I mean, I know that Christian Grey is supposed to be a very stiff, controlled character. But Dornan’s portrayal of him was pretty stiff and awkward and just not sexy. Period.

Although Johnson’s performance wasn’t nowhere near as bad, it wasn’t all that pretty, either. I do want to give credit to Eloise Mumford and Victor Rasuk, who did great jobs as Anastasia’s friends.

The only positive to come out of the movie, in my opinion, is that the sex scenes were actually pretty good. They were tasteful but showed some good action. They weren’t totally subdued and there was one scene in particular that showed some red room of pain action that was pretty sexy.

For fans of the books, I think they will be pleased that the movie stuck to the script. And maybe even improved upon it because, bad acting aside, those abs! And that’s all that matters, right?

Image: Giphy

More Fifty Shades fun

Fifty Shades of Grey: 11 Early reviews of the controversial film
Eloise Mumford: What everyone’s getting wrong about Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades cuts controversial tampon scene — read the excerpt now

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