Everyone experiences horrible, awkward, downright miserable moments in life. Not getting the job you want, breakups, falling in public — they’re all so cringe-worthy. So the next time you find yourself in any of these situations, just ask yourself: What would Casey Wilson do?
When the chips are down
I take myself to a safe haven such as an Anthropologie or a Forever 21. It is there I can collect myself, gather my thoughts and buy a saltshaker in the shape of a bird or a piece of jewelry that will break before I get back to my car.
When I don’t get a job I want
I laugh all the way to the bank. Where I take out more money than I should and run amok buying weird things like an elliptical machine or an at-home s’mores maker.
When I get a haircut that makes me look like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
I stand up, march over to the stylist, look her dead in the eye and say, “I love it.” Then I empty out my wallet for her tip. What? I hate conflict!
When I was 16, someone’s mom broke up with me for them
Disturbed as I was, I immediately drove three girlfriends and myself to TGI Fridays, where we ordered chicken fingers, fries with BBQ sauce and cookie pie. That proved to be a gateway to laughter and to the restroom.
When I was single and a guy I liked wouldn’t text back
I would take a laid-back, easy-breezy approach. For instance, I would text, “Hey, you! Is your phone working??!?” Followed by, “Sooo… we still getting married?” When he still wouldn’t reply, I would take that as a sign: humor is working! I’d then hop in my used Infiniti, drive to his house and sit on the stoop with a Starbucks until he arrived home with someone else, and then I would make a public scene. Actually, don’t take this advice.
When I trip and fall
I don’t get up quickly and look back from whence I came, I go the other way — by sprawling out all over the sidewalk, clutching myself in pain and wailing full tilt in my “ugly cry.” Basically, I make people feel too bad to laugh.
When someone yells at me
I make an over-exaggerated frown/sad face and proceed to talk in a baby voice, saying, “Me feel sad now!” Then I stomp around like a toddler and get on my hands and knees and fake cry, “Wahhhh! Casey not mean make you mad!” People sigh heavily and give up.
More on Casey Wilson
Happy Endings’ Casey Wilson encourages you to sleep with your boss
Casey Wilson at the 2013 People’s Choice Awards
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